Top Ten

December 30, 2013




                                             Top Ten Things I Learned This Year



10. Going to the gym IS good for me. I can now fling the snow tires out of the shed and load them
       in the car without huffing and puffing. Or crying.  Thank-you Edge Flex!


9. In keeping with the exercise theme, I can spin! I was afraid to try it but I CAN do it!
    And if I pick a bike in the back I can sit when I get tired and not be embarrassed!


8. I can drive over bridges and only get panicked when I think of the Mianus River disaster.


7. As much as I try, I HATE yard work. And planting, fertilizing, watering, etc... also car
    maintenance.


6. I'm never giving up carbs. No matter what.


5. Even though two years ago I thought I would never travel I HAVE managed to take many trips as a
     single woman. And I like it.


4. It's never too late to find people to connect with, people you feel you have known forever.


3. I AM sentimental in a very sarcastic way.


2. I can say "I love you" to lots of different people for lots of different reasons.


1. "Do what feels right." No regrets.

12 Days of Christmas

December 24, 2013



I spent this past weekend at the Red Lion Inn In Stockbridge MA. I went with some trepidation as  the last time I was there on this particular weekend the kids were small and I was married. It has become a tradition for Margo and Anne and their families but I would be sort of a newbie. But oh the things I would have missed if I didn't go!


1. Hugs from Matt, who is hands down the best hugger in the world. Fred and his monkey. (you had
    to be there)


2. Watching Annemarie "work the room."


3. Consignment shopping with Margo where I purchased a new lady head. The pensive one that should
     remind me to think just a little before I act. ( Not my strong suit.)


4. Talking to John through the wall between our rooms.


5. Watching Kelsey sing Feliz Navidad with the Skipper.


6. Three french hens, Hilary, Bethany and Kelsey.


7. Megan and her five golden rings.


8. Lauren and her absolutely beautiful smile.


9. Shaun and his sexy voice singing to me in the lobby. Even if it was about throwing me overboard.
    Next year I want to do a rap song with him at Karaoke. Thinking Monster by Rihanna.


10. Being shown up in the gift giving by my new BFF, Patti. I'm going to start now for next year.


11. Gaining a new adopted daughter, Julia. I think she may like to try new restaurants almost as much
       as I do.


12. But most of all I'm glad I didn't miss the opportunity to see Gerald as the Partridge in the Pear Tree.
      Perfect! Lin, you made the whole weekend bringing everyone all together with your creativity and
      thoughtfulness.
     

Thank you all for making this so special for me.

Marriage Equality

December 18, 2013



Ever since Josh showed me how to listen to Pandora in my car with my Iphone my love affair with my phone has just become stronger by the day. What a perfect companion. It is with me all the time, going wherever I go without complaint.. Gives me directions when I am lost, sings to me, delivers my mail, allows me to talk to my friends whenever I want, read whenever I want and if I so choose I can even watch a movie on it. Of course I would need a tutorial on that but I'm sure it could be arranged.



I would like to make the union legal. I wouldn't have to worry about it cheating on me, spending my money on slutty women, lying to me or hurting my feelings. A cyber relationship beyond compare. After all, my phone could not pretend to be a free spirited, fun loving, spontaneous guru of life. Especially if it was really just a scared, angst ridden, over thinking human being. I would be able to give it only the correct characteristics to mesh with my own. Oh what joy. I thought I was really on to something.



Then I heard about a new Spike Jonze movie entitled "Her." It is about a man (Joaquin Phoenix) who falls in love with the voice of his intelligent computer operating system. The voice belongs to Scarlett Johansson. Who wouldn't fall in love with her sultry, sexy voice? I saw the trailer on Youtube and I can't wait to see the movie. My idea...up there on the big screen. Of course there seems to be tears involved but I am a veteran at that!! Nothing like a good cry to clear out those tear ducts!



And before anyone complains that I have made light of the Marriage Equality Act please, rest assured I have not. It is tongue in cheek. I think EVERYONE should be allowed the pleasure and pain of marriage. After all how could you survive the ravages of divorce if you have not been married?Marriage should be an option for gays, lesbians and people who go along with the best deal no matter what their sexual orientation happens to be. The more I think about it the more I love my phone!

Sandy Hook

December 16, 2013



This past Saturday marked one year since the Sandy Hook shooting. I remember being at work and seeing it unfold on the news during lunch. It started with a picture of the police at the school. What could possibly be happening in peaceful, sleepy, Sandy Hook, Connecticut? Lunch was over and we returned to work thinking it was just a false alarm. But the rest of the staff slowly came out of the break room with the shocking news. Little kids and their teachers were killed. No, it must be misinformation. That's just can't be possible. I thought back to 9/11 when we all watched the towers go down, crowded into the tv room at work.


But it was true. Slowly the reality began to sink in. Everyone knew someone from the school. It was truly horrifying. This year the residents asked to have the media stay away from their little town. They wanted to mourn and remember in private. And for the most part that wish was honored.


This morning I heard on "Sunday Morning" that the percentage of Americans that think we should have new gun control laws has gone down from last year. Unbelievable. And not to second guess the shooter's mom, parenting IS such a hard job, but if my child locked himself in his room and only communicated with me by email for months, I would NOT be purchasing a gun as his Christmas present. In fact that sort of behavior would only last a few hours before I broke down the door and MADE him talk to me. I can see Josh nodding in agreement. In fact a few hours is generous. I can't be silent for even a few minutes when I have something on my mind.


Such a tragedy for all concerned. Saturday night WTNH showed all the pictures of the victims on the news. Heartbreaking. I can't imagine how life goes on for those families. But many of them have gone on to advocate for gun control, mental health services and ways to keep their loved one memories alive. An inspiration and lesson for us all.

                                 

Sundays in Winter

December 9, 2013



This is how I know that winter is truly here. Part of me wanted to call a friend and go to a movie but the other, the it's too cold out part, wanted to stay home and cook and get the house in some sort of order. Needless to say that part won.


I fed the birdies and the squirrels and vacuumed.  I made a chocolate bread from a recipe I found on the internet. I had zucchini in the fridge so I decided to make a frittata. Then I made dough for anginettes and finally tomato basil soup. As I said to Hilary this summer, "I don't really like to cook in the summer." She responded, "Don't worry, you haven't been." I wondered where that sarcasm came from and then I remembered. Oh yes, she is my daughter!


I think I've more than made up for my lack of summertime cuisine. I love to go out when it's warm. But when the days start to get shorter and it is FREEZING out there is nothing like some comfort food and a fire. Christmas carols playing on Pandora, my "Christmas at the Beach" candle burning, the twinkling of the Christmas lights on my mantle and the greenery outside. OMG Margo, am I getting sentimental????


I'm not sure there will be many more weekends to have a marathon day like today at home. The season is busy with long weekends away, cookie swaps and happy hours. But this became I day I thoroughly enjoyed.

 So much for cleaning as you go.

My reward after a long day. The newspaper, a fire and then my new show "Orange is the New Black"

Squirrel Victory

December 6, 2013



I am a beaten, defeated woman. The squirrels have taken over my yard. In fact, I have even stooped to feeding them. I bought dried corn to nourish them. I have had a long talk with them about the fact that I am on their side as long as they don't hang upside down from my bird feeders and eat all the seed. I put the corn out ever day and even some bird seed that they can reach without ravaging the feeders. And for the most part it works. But every once in a while I find one of them joyously feasting from the feeders.


I am ashamed to admit that I have been known to run outside screaming like a lunatic and threatening to purchase a BB gun. Probably the reason I don't have a pistol permit. Although the squirrels would be far down on my list of targets. Anyway, it is mostly working. My cardinal couple is back and the rodents seem happy with the corn.


But today I was looking in the Agway brochure. Did you know they have deer food?!!! Do I have to feed them as well? They eat my crab apples, shrubs and tulip bulbs. Do I really want to attract them to my back yard? But they are beautiful to look at through my window. Especially when there is a soft dusting of snow on the ground. Delicate and serene. So maybe I will consider feeding them as well. Does that put me in the "crazy lady" category?

Christmas in East Haven

December 3, 2013



This weekend I made a miraculous discovery. Not a discovery exactly. Well, a discovery for me. During a very long car trip Josh synched my Pandora to the car radio. Who knew? I love Pandora. AND I can switch from that to the radio and STILL receive phone calls!!! I'm so excited. Even though Josh said with disgust,"You really don't know how anything works, do you?" That's not exactly true but I am clueless as far as things like that are concerned. That's why I have kids to help me. Jocelyn is particularly patient and kind even though I'm sure they make fun of me when they leave here.



I've been enjoying this new feature everyday and am still amazed that it works so well. And on the way to work yesterday I heard my first Christmas Carol. "Christmas in East Haven." Or East'aven. My home town. The place I grew up and felt loved and nurtured. Going from my house which was SOOOO Italian to Margo and Annemarie's, which was SOOO Irish. The best of both worlds. Some people are offended by that song but it always makes me laugh. We need to be able to laugh at ourselves more. And anyway, who doesn't want to be invited to an Italian house for the holidays? The fish on Christmas Eve, the lasagna, the aginettes. The fruit bowl and nut tray. Limoncello. Come on. There's nothing better. So I don't take offense at the song. I know its just jealously that inspired it!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkQ05gkrr4g

Black Friday

November 29, 2013



Did anyone see the pictures of Macy's in New York today? Thousands of people crowded into the first floor! That store is congested on a normal day but today it looked like the last place on earth to be. Suffice it to say I am not into shopping in malls or large department stores. I get really crazy and disoriented and well, just plain crabby. If I have to go to a mall I usually go to West Farms and park in the exact same spot every time. In and out quickly. Or I have to go with Hilary or one of my friends so I can find my way back to the car.


I just got back from the gym and the parking lot in the Plaza was mobbed. I thought all those people were working out. I was wrong. They were SHOPPING. Running in the stores with their flyers and coupons. It made me thankful that I did not plan a shopping expedition for today. Just enjoying my day off.


I did stop at the liquor to get some bourbon for the coming holidays. I thought I would try a new drink so a few weeks ago I bought Laphroaig scotch, which I had tasted one night in a restaurant. I loved it that night but when I opened this bottle it didn't smell at all like the stuff I had. It didn't taste like it either. Maybe I should have gotten the 18 year old blend, but the one I got can only be described as vile tasting. So back to good old bourbon. Thankfully the liquor store was not involved in any black Friday sales!

Thanksgiving Week 2013

November 25, 2013





Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. The planning, picking out recipes, cooking for days and the actual meal. I loved everything about it. Until 2011 that is. A truly awful week filled with lies and deceit and tears. Last year was a little better although I did not cook any of my favorite dishes. I relied on the kindness of my friends to get me through the day.


This year I HAD planned on cooking the traditional feast but circumstances prevented that. I will join Jocelyn's family in New Jersey. It has proved very liberating to leave the major cooking tasks to someone else and just show up with a dish and a smile! And Howard, I know it is still YOUR favorite holiday, so thanks for inviting me along. I may never cook another Thanksgiving dinner again. Maybe next year I will be at the beach with a rum punch.


As I was told, time has helped heal the pain of divorce and new traditions have replaced the old. But as for Barbara Murcus' advice that the kids would "get over" it, I never thought that was true and I still don't. Even though HE has become "somebody that I used to know" for me, I don't think the kids will ever be able to feel the same again. Someone recently told me about his own divorce. His therapist said he should be prepared to be the bad guy if he left. And he is surprised he is STILL the bad guy years later. Why would that be surprising? And why would you disrupt your whole family to settle for a relationship that is "far from ideal" just because it is "what you have."? Or maybe that was just another version of the "my wife is frigid" line.


Anyway, I am actually looking forward to this week and the coming holiday season. I have Friday off, something that hasn't happened in years. Family and friends and parties. I'm even going back to the Red Lion Inn this year. And spending a few days in Vermont for New Years Eve. Slowly and thoughtfully, a new way of life is taking shape. Baby steps.

Fifteen Reasons To Date A Nurse

November 21, 2013




I just saw this on Facebook and had to share it with you. It really gave me a laugh this morning. I know all my nurse friends will love it also. My comments are in parentheses. Feel free to add your own.

1. Nurses are compassionate and patient, and are often great listeners. (  WE are mostly compassionate but patient?     Not if you work in the  surgical setting)

2. Nurses are super-smart. If you’re into both brains and beauty, your date can deliver. ( ALWAYS true!)

3. Tired of nursing that hangover? Let an actual nurse work his/her feel-better magic. ( ? ) 

4. Nurses have seen bodies of all shapes and sizes — and witnessed every kind of bodily function imaginable. Your    insecurities and body quirks will likely leave your date unfazed. ( Some things should remain a mystery.)

5. No waiting in line. You’ll get a quick diagnosis every time you feel under the weather. ( What you'll really get       is, "Suck it up. You're not dying." Unless of course you actually are.)

6. The uniform. It’s not just sexy on Halloween. (Translation: those scrubs just look so cute and comfy.)

7. Impressive nerves. Nurses remain calm and collected in pretty stressful situations. You want to be dating a nurse     in times of emergency and chaos. 

8. Nurses work long hours. So if you want a little alone time, a nurse’s crazy schedule might suit you just fine.
    (especially if she wakes you up in the middle of the night for a call shift.)

9. Nurses make great future parents. No pressure or anything. ( Why?)

10. You’ll be safe. Date a nurse and you’ve got instant access to CPR, safety advice and disease-prevention tips.

11. Awesome “How was your day?” stories. Nurses have endless tales of patient and/or doctor drama. (Totally            true.)

12. You’ll start to understand the medical jargon on your favorite medical dramas.

13. Nurses will love your thoughtful gestures. They give to others all day and can often feel unappreciated.

14. Nurses understand selflessness, one of the key ingredients to a healthy relationship. ( Finally, someone                   understands us!)

15. Your date saves lives. That’s brag-worthy.

Tell us, why else should one consider dating a nurse?

Come Fly With Me

November 20, 2013


It must be Frank Sinatra month for me. Maybe the holidays are making me nostalgic. I mailed my passport this week to be renewed. I didn't want to let go of it. All the stamps from the countries I've visited. Italy, Thailand, Vietnam, Uganda, Columbia, Hong Kong and most recently BWI. What if it was lost? All those memories... But those I could never lose. The people, the food, the different cultures, the children I've cared for and their families. The mom who wrote us a letter in Vietnamese that said we were so kind. The grandmother that kept pinching my cheeks! The warmth of the Thai people. The people we laughed with and cried over. Those memories I can never lose. And of course, my most recent trip to that wonderful tropical island. My new "happy place."


I can't wait to get my new passport. A new beginning. Clean and untouched. New pictures, new trips and new people to meet.  New stamps in every country. I hope I have many more trips ahead of me. My first trip to Florence next year and hopefully more travel to Asia. And my personal dream destination to India. All ahead of me.



Come Fly With Me  by James Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn


Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away 
If you can use some exotic booze 
There's a bar in far Bombay 
Come on and fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away 

Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru 
In llama land there's a one-man band 
And he'll toot his flute for you 
Come on fly with me, let's take off in the blue 

Once I get you up there where the air is rarified 
We'll just glide, starry-eyed 
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near 
You may hear all the angels cheer 'cause we're together 

Weather-wise it's such a lovely day 
Just say the words and we'll beat the birds 
Down to Acapulco  Bay 
It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say 
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away 

Fly Me To The Moon

November 18, 2013


"And let me play among the stars."Ahh, Ol' Blue Eyes. There is still no one that can match his voice and debonair demeanor on stage. Not that I can really remember that far back! But I always loved this song. Who does NOT love looking up at the night sky?


Saturday night when I left work at 6:30PM it was already dark. Dark enough to see the moon. It was almost a full moon. I looked for it again the next night but it was too cloudy and rainy.


The last full moon was on October 18th. A Friday. I was on call that weekend also. Maybe I'm going to be the full moon on call nurse! I was coming home at 1AM and the moon was suspended overhead like a big, milky white pendant. I knew I couldn't wake anyone up to share it with so I  just sat in the car and enjoyed the view. I wanted to take a picture to save in my phone. But in spite of my love affair with my iPhone, I knew I could never capture the astounding beauty of that scene. It looked close enough to touch. I remember when I was a kid and I thought the moon was following our car as we drove. I'm pretty sure my dad agreed with me!


I wish I could capture that gorgeous moon in a necklace to wear. It would remind me that even the darkest night holds a special kind of beauty.


Meditate
Live purely. Be quiet.
Do your work with mastery
Like the moon, come out
from behind the clouds
Shine

   Buddha

Local Harvest

November 14, 2013



This year Josh, Jocelyn and I participated in a CSA (community supported agriculture) from Hindinger Farms. This is the farm a few streets away from my house and the place I always go to for fresh vegetables in the summer. I was really excited for it to begin.


Every week we share a box of locally grown fruits and veggies. In the beginning we got strawberries, lettuce and spinach. Then green beans and blueberries. Kale was a big thing but I never did much with that. Peaches and apples and tomatoes. Then I got a big bag of Italian plums. I wasn't sure what to do with them but I wasn't going to let them go to waste. I looked up recipes on the internet and found a plum cobbler. I had my doubts about it but I went ahead anyway. It was delicious! Definitely something I would do again. Who knew plums could taste so good.


But the real challenge was the eggplant. Jennie was the eggplant queen and she always complained about how much work it was to cook. But since she is not around to make it anymore I decided it was time to conquer that dish. I called Annie, who called her mom, and I made their version of fried eggplant. Flour instead of breadcrumbs. I'm sure Jennie used breadcrumbs but I did what they suggested. I had so much I had to freeze some of it. But the rest I made into parmigiana. It tasted almost as good as I remember. Next time I will try the breadcrumbs.


So the CSA was a success. I made spaghetti squash and this week I'm going to try turnips. We only have two more weeks of produce but I am already looking forward to next year. A really wonderful way to support your local farming community.

Goo Goo Dolls - Come To Me [Official Music Video]

November 11, 2013



I saw this video last week on vacation. I can't get it out of my head. One of the sweetest love songs I've heard in a long time. I know "Gorilla" is climbing the charts because I have to constantly change my radio station but I much prefer this song.




http://youtu.be/U8VMYLniuDkhttp://www.youtube.com/v/U8VMYLniuDk?autohide=1&version=3&autohide=1&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=cERFS21omPpRCyRg_UP6MA&showinfo=1&feature=share

37 Degrees

November 8, 2013



"37 degrees this morning. Watching that snowstorm for next week." That's what I woke up to this morning. No blue sky, sleeping with the patio door open with the sound of the waves in the background. No white, sugary sand or the turquoise waters of Turks and Caicos. No breakfast by the ocean. No rum punch on the sand. The whole long day spent on the beach. Reading, doing the crossword, napping and 1PM happy hours! Being caressed by the warm, clear Caribbean water. Having to be persuaded to leave after the sunset to get ready for dinner. So decadent. I'm wondering how long I could be happy doing that? But not to worry.


I'm home now. Going to unpack, do laundry and get ready to return to work next week. Recharged. Ready for the cold weather. Preparing for the holidays, which I hope will be easier to get through than last year. And of course, planning my next vacation.

Trip Anxiety

November 2, 2013



I used to have a huge amount of trip anxiety whenever I was preparing for a vacation. "What if" was all I thought about. What if something happened to the house while we were gone? (Flood, frozen pipes, burglary) What if I left something vital at home that I needed? (contact lenses, glasses, underwear) What if something happened to the kids or my mother or sister? ( illness, accidents, heartbreak) What if the planed crashed, we were taken hostage, or got sick in a foreign country?


But my last few trips have been devoid of such worries. I have come to believe that I can handle almost anything. Having survived the fact that my life was completely altered has brought me a confidence I didn't think possible. I did have my doubts about survival at the time but I DID survive. And now I realize that I have coping skills I wasn't aware of before. I can take a step back and put most situations in perspective.


So this trip is mainly stress free. True, going to Turks and Caicos is not Uganda but that never figured into the equation before. We are leaving tomorrow and I'm still not completely packed but not worried about it. I have done all I could to take care of things here before I leave. Anything that happens while I'm gone will be taken care of when I get back.

Boston Red Sox

 



October 32, 2013



There is only one thing to say today. Well, maybe two. Happy Halloween and CONGRATULATIONS to the Boston Red Sox. Coming from a Yankees fan who is so happy the east coast team won the series. Last time Boston won I was there at the parade because it was also parent's weekend for Josh. The excitement from the fans was contagious. Can't imagine what it was like last night!

Rent A Husband

October 28, 2013



I've come to learn there are many aspects to cobbling together a "husband for rent." All the jobs that were divided up when I was married are still here. Just waiting to be accomplished. The bills, the yard work, the car, the plumbing, the cellar, the kitty litter, the garbage.... all the things HE took care of before. All my responsibility now.



Some tasks are easier than others. I can pay the bills on line (whoever would have thought! ) and the kitty litter is no big deal. I drag the garbage and the recyclables down to the curb every week, and when there is a bug anywhere Hilary calls me and I take care of it. I even disposed of the dead mice, although I used a shovel and tried not to look at them as I brought them outside. They were kind of cute and I considered giving them a proper burial but didn't have the time.


But the big things I've had to hire out. Steve takes care of my car and he never said a word when I brought it in a year after it was purchased and confessed that I had never had the oil changed or a tune up. Not because I didn't want to but because it just never occurred to me. Was I supposed to put snow tires on a four wheel drive? I didn't do that either. I watched the sink in Hilary's bathroom leak for weeks but only when the shower handle broke and she couldn't shut off the water did I call Gino. He came that afternoon and the next day with a new faucet that he picked out after I assured him I would love whatever he bought. And I did. Everything fixed now. And Brian. My outdoor person who is slowly becoming my all around handy man husband. He not only does the landscaping but fixed my door, painted the water stain on the ceiling from the leaky shower, and organized the shed outside. I've even let him down into the basement. It's such an embarrassment that it took me weeks to work up the courage to ask him if he could help me straighten it out.


But there are somethings that you can't purchase. At least I can't. I'm sure if I went I Craigslist I could find just about anything I needed. There is still an opening for a "conversation husband" who wants to talk to me just because I AM me. Someone who really "gets" me. Someone who will listen to me talk about my day and the funny stories I have to share. Someone who will look past the sarcastic, jaded comments to see that I am so much more than that. Maybe that "You complete me person" will remain elusive forever. Maybe there is no such thing.

Frost Advisory

October 25, 2013



Summer is really over. I am still wearing my flip flops but my feet are freezing. I finally turned on the heat and took my plants in from the porch. I'm going to have to bring the shovel into the garage because last year I couldn't get to it in the shed with all the snow. I used the small car shovel to try to make a path outside for days while we were snowed in. I still have lots of ice melt for the driveway but maybe I should check to see if its still useable.


The leaves are falling like crazy. I love walking down the driveway and feeling them crunch beneath my feet. Remembering when I used to rake them into piles for the kids to jump into. Although maybe I'm not remembering that exactly like it happened. I raked them into piles to pick up and they would jump into them and mess them up again. What was I doing raking anyway? Now I have someone pick them up and cart them away. And the acorns are all over the driveway. Does that mean a brutal winter? I thought I heard that once. I can't imagine it being worse than last year.


Yesterday I lit the first fire of the season. We ate in the family room in front of it. Okay so it was the "fake" logs but they are perfect. I can light one when I come home from work and it is out by bedtime. Not mess with he kindling and dragging logs into the house. I can go upstairs to sleep and not worry about embers setting the house on fire. Some concessions have to be made and that is one of them. I'm good with that.


So another summer down. Holidays are right around the corner. I seem to be in a better place. Hope I don't have a crying attack in Target like I did last year when I got to the Christmas display. But if I do I know I have a lot of people to talk me through it.

"I See Dead People"

October 21, 2013



The Sixth Sense, directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I remember seeing it and being really creeped out. I didn't know until the very end that Bruce Willis, the child psychologist, was dead too. Why isn't she yelling at him for all the times he didn't show up, especially the anniversary night? Boy, is she patient, I recall thinking.


Bruce was killed by an intruder who got into the house by the basement windows. I've been worried about those windows ever since. I would occasionally go down there and try to imagine someone actually fitting through those small casement windows. I didn't think they were big enough for anyone. What about the Bilco door. How secure are those really? I know I've been accused of being a security freak but I can't help  it.


And a few weeks ago I was proven correct. People were calling me on the phone to see if I had heard of the robberies on my street. Guess how the burglars were gaining access? Through the basement windows! Now I would really be frightened at night. So what else could I do but call Steve at my security company and ask if those windows could be alarmed. Why yes they could. They came over the next day and did all the windows down there AND the door. I'm pretty sure every inch of my house is monitored now. I actually set off the alarm by accident the other day.


Do I feel safer? I guess so. I still get spooked sometimes but things don't scare me like they did in the past. Still, this week I heard about someone who has a security camera outside. Now that's something I hadn't considered! Yet.

Everything Has Changed

October 16, 2013




Although I don't believe in love at first sight (or maybe I don't believe in true love at all) part of me still holds out some hope. One of my favorite movie lines,"You had me at hello" and this song by Taylor Swift make me think it's still possible.





                                                       "Everything Has Changed"
(duet with Ed Sheeran)

[Taylor Swift]
All I knew this morning when I woke
Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before.
And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago
Is green eyes and freckles in your smile
In the back of my mind making me feel right

[Taylor Swift]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

[Both]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you

[Both]
'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

[Ed Sheeran]
And all my walls stood tall painted blue
And I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you

[Taylor Swift (Album version) / Ed Sheeran (Remix version):]
And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies
The beautiful kind, making up for lost time,
[Album version:] Taking flight, making me feel right
[Remix version:] Taking flight, making me feel right like

[Both]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you

[Both]
'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
And you'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Come back and tell me why
I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh.
And meet me there tonight
And let me know that it's not all in my mind.

[Taylor Swift]
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you

[Both]
All I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

eHarmony Dropout

October 14, 2013



Today when I get home from work I am going to cancel my subscription to eHarmony. My three month signup period will be over soon and I don't want to be automatically billed for another three months. I was a total failure at online dating.


I've spent some time thinking about the reasons for this fact. Is it because I said in my profile that I have kids? I noticed most men don't claim adult children in their profile. It's only when you read further that they mention them. Why? Adult or otherwise my kids will always be the best part of me. I can't imagine EVER checking a box that says I don't have them.


Is it because I am not attractive enough? I know I'm not a beauty queen but I don't think I'm that hard to look at. And judging from the pictures I've seen, George Clooney is not trolling eHarmony. I have noticed that most men in my age group are (according to them) 1. "Into exercise and outdoor activities" 2. Ride a motorcycle or have a sports car. 3. Any man who answered the question about their sex drive claimed theirs was "high." Really guys? If only I had invested in Pfizer or Eli Lilly stock. One man came right out and stated he wanted to date as many women as possible but most were looking for their "soul mate." Another one said the first thing people notice about him was that he was tall and good looking! Wow. What a catch.


Okay, so maybe it's because I am slightly cynical. But most of all I'm gun shy. When the person you trusted more than anyone in the whole world can spend years looking right into your eyes while lying it's hard to trust anyone else. I know I just have to start with a cup of coffee! But even that scares me.


So maybe it's not eHarmony's fault but my own. I guess I'm not really ready to market myself on line. I will go back to just hoping that, when I least expect it, I will meet someone who will want to have an adult relationship. In the meantime I will continue to sleep curled around my pillows.

Top Ten Gym Quotes

October 11, 2013


I'm still going to the gym at least three days a week. Haven't lost an ounce but can now lift 50 pound bags of bird seed and cat food without complaint. The best part about my classes is when it is "cool down" time and I know I have survived!



10. Let's do another set.


9. One minute plank.


8. Hips tucked under  and lunge. (Still working on the lunge. It is not easy!)


7. Squeeze those glutes.


6.  Let's do squats. Stick your butt way out (not a problem) and put all your weight on your heels.


5. Low and slow.


4. Lie down on your mat and put your legs in the air. ( My personal favorite)


3. Dead lift.


2. Shoulders back, chest proud. ( I find myself doing that even when I'm NOT at the gym.)


1. And we're DONE!

Pancakes For Dinner

October 9, 2013



One of the things that made me sad last year was my lack of pancake skills. Yes, I know. A petty worry in the grand scheme of things. But it was another reminder of how my life had changed. No more pancakes for Sunday breakfast, etc, etc. Many of you suggested Bisquick or The Pancake House. But I was determined to make them from scratch here in my own kitchen.


So a few weeks ago I looked up pancake recipes on line. I found one that looked like it would work. I got over the fact that the last attempt was a failure even the birds wouldn't eat and set out to make them. They were great! Fluffy and flavorful and light! I wish I had taken a picture. They were almost like a restaurant. Maybe not as good as Lena's Cafe, but good. So good that I sometimes think of making them for dinner. But I get stuck on the drink part. Bourbon or gin does not go with pancakes. Wine? No. Only coffee seems like the appropriate beverage. I know! Irish coffee. Coffee AND liquor all in one drink. That's why I love the Irish! Now on to mastering the waffle iron.

Roar by Katy Perry

October 4, 2013


I think I heard that Gorilla was the number one requested song on KC101. But I thought I'd finish the week with a song I like a whole lot more.








                                                         "Roar"   By Katy Perry

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

Play Nice

October 2, 2013




"Play nice." Where have I heard that before? Oh, I know. Barbara Marcus, our (his) therapist. Those were her big words of advice. But its hard to place nice when one party is not playing fair. I digress.


Congress, that's what I wanted to talk about.  PLAY NICE. I have elected you to run the government not regress to junior high. Make it work. We all encounter policies in our jobs that we may not be crazy about. Should we shut down our workplaces. Hospitals, schools, businesses? Unheard of. Follow the proper channels. Chain of command, etc.


DON'T SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT! That is ludicrous and juvenile. Irresponsible and unfair to your constituents. People are struggling with unemployment, housing issues and student loans. How dare you act like children. Everyone deserves access to health care. Is Obamacare the right way? I don't know. But I DO know the present situation is not working. At any rate act like adults. Get back to work. Play nice.

Gorilla

September 30, 2013



This past Saturday I worked at an all day conference for nurses in Meriden. I just love getting up at the crack of dawn on my day off! And I know all the other board members did as well! But that's not the story.


I was running late and heading down to Dunkin Donuts to get the bagels for the conference. It was dark and I hadn't had my coffee yet. I had the radio on and a song called Gorilla was playing by Bruno Mars. Little Bruno. Of the plaintive love songs. (Or as Hilary calls him "the whiner") Little, being the operative word here. Well this song is another example of "It's not how big it is but how you use it." A saying only a man could have come up with.


I'm not a prude but I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I thought maybe I was not "getting" all the lyrics. He couldn't possibly be saying those things on the radio! So early in the morning! But when I got home that afternoon and looked them up it was just as I had thought.


Crude, vulgar and as far from romantic as you can get. Not my taste at all. Which is okay but I wonder, who IS attracted to that sort of song? I hope not anyone I know. Especially my baby girl.  Bruno, did you run that by your mother first? Oh wait, maybe it's a joke. Is it supposed to be funny?


I'm including the lyrics so you can make your own judgement.


                                                   Gorilla   by Bruno Mars

Ooh I got a body full of liquor with a cocaine kicker and I'm feeling like I'm thirty feet tall
So lay it down, lay it down
You got your legs up in the sky with the devil in your eyes
Let me hear you say you want it all
Say it now, say it now

Look what you’re doing, look what you done
But in this jungle you can't run
Cause what I got for you
I promise it’s a killer, you'll be banging on my chest
Bang bang, gorilla

Ooh, yeah

You and me baby, making love like gorillas
You and me baby, making love like gorillas

Yeah I got a fistful of your hair
But you don't look like you're scared
You're just smiling tell me, ‘daddy it's yours’
‘Cause you know how I like it you’s a dirty little lover
If the neighbors call the cops, call the sheriff, call the SWAT we don't stop, we keep rocking while they knocking on our door
And you're screaming ‘give it to me baby,
Give it to me motherfucker’

Ohhh look what you’re doing, look what you done
But in this jungle you can't run
‘Cause what I got for you
I promise it’s a killer, you'll be banging on my chest
Bang bang, gorilla

Ooh, yeah

You and me baby, making love like gorillas
You and me baby, making love like gorillas

I bet you never ever felt so good, so good
I got your body trembling like it should, it should
You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you

Oh, you with me baby, making love like gorillas
You and me baby, we'll be fuckin' like gorillas
You and me baby, making love like gorillas

I Love New York

September 26, 2013



This is a little late in the current events timeline. But I had to mention it. Another reason to love New York. Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer were defeated in their respective elections this month. Oh, how proud I am of New Yorkers.


Weiner only garnered 5 percent of the vote for the mayoral Democratic candidate. Here is a man who even after he is caught sending pictures of hie weiner on social media, whose intelligent wife stands by him, and who is now a FATHER, can't resist continuing his deviant and humiliating behavior. Why run for public office and continue to behave like an ass? Why put your wife and now your child through such scrutiny again? Clearly Mr. Weiner is a sad, selfish individual.


And Eliot. My personal favorite. He were defeated by Scott Stringer, a journeyman politician. Spitzer outspent him two to one. And it was noted that his wife did not stand by her man. At least she is using her brain and her education. Maybe morals ARE beginning to make a come back. Or maybe it's common sense.


Oh, but South Carolina! Congratulations on electing Mark Sanford. A man who lied to you and has recently taken his "fiance" on a trip sponsored by the state. New York is looking better and better.

A Mouse In The House

September 23, 2013



What a beautiful weekend. Some overnight rain but mostly cool and sunny. I stayed home all weekend! What a gift. Getting ready for fall, decorating, cleaning and catching up. I loved it! But it was marred by one thing. A mouse.



A dead mouse in the basement. Killed by Hazel. A teeny, tiny thing. But a mouse none the less. I went downstairs to get something and I saw it at the bottom of the stairs. "Hilary come here," I yelled. She came to the top of the stairs but refused to go any further. "What do you want ME to do?" she asked. Well of course, I wanted her to get it out of there! But she refused. She did stand at the top of the stairs while I went down to make sure the teeny tiny mouse would not attack me. And then she suggested I call Josh. What a great idea!!! Could I possibly guilt him into coming over to dispose of this small creature?


"Are you kidding me?" was his response. In very well enunciated terms. Repeated twice in case I didn't hear it the first time. "No, I'm NOT kidding!" But I knew it was a futile request. I briefly considered paying someone to come over but by then I knew I was being ridiculous. So I got a shovel and scooped up the mouse and got rid of it in the yard.


But you know there is never just ONE mouse. I found another one soon after. That one is still down there until I decide to pick it up or Josh comes over. Which ever comes first. At least Hazel is earning her keep!

Farewell to Summer

August 19, 2013



Yesterday morning when I woke up it was 61 degrees in my room! Of course I still had all the windows open and I was FREEZING! Even the birds were quieter. Hilary very calming informed me of the temperature when she came downstairs in her fuzzy slippers and fleece bathrobe. But it isn't time to turn the heat on yet. That shouldn't happen until at least October 1st. Where is Indian Summer?  I'm not ready to put away my sandals or my summer wardrobe.


This morning I was enjoying the last of my lavender marmalade. The one I bought in Harwich when I was on vacation. And I have to admit I've been wearing the Martha's Vineyard fleece jacket when I leave for work. So I guess I have to get out my sweaters and fall clothes. It is refreshing to wake up to crisp fall temperatures but 61 is a little too cold for me. Let's have a few more warm days. Days of sleeping with the windows open and wearing short sleeve shirts and flip flops. And next summer maybe I should buy two marmalades.

Heart Like A Wheel

September 16, 2013



Long before I wanted to be Stevie Nicks I fell in love with Linda Ronstadt's music. Her voice and her heart shaped face defined music for a generation of baby boomers. I listened to her constantly. "It's So Easy," "Faithless Love," "Tumbling Dice," and my favorites "Blue Bayou" and "Crazy." Can't you just hear her sweet voice?


I saw her on Broadway in "Pirates of Penzance." Gilbert and Sullivan is not really my thing but I was so excited to see HER. I still remember the felling of awe I had when she came out on stage.


I saw Linda on TV recently. She can't sing anymore because she has Parkinson's Disease. A cruel ending to such a beautiful talent. As I've said many times, "life is just not fair." She very eloquently spoke about her condition and seems accepting of it but it is sad none the less. Sad for her fans as well as for her. She has written a book,"Simple Dreams" about her career and is going on a promotion tour. Now that is something I wish I could see.


So again we are reminded that we should make the most of every day. The laundry and the housework can wait. They will be there when we return from living our lives.





"Crazy"

I'm crazy
Crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy
Crazy for feeling blue
I know you'd love me as long as you wanted
Then someday leave me for somebody new

Worry
Why should I let myself worry
Wondering
What in the world did I do

I'm crazy
For thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for crying
And crazy for trying
And I'm crazy for loving you

Worry
Why do I let myself worry
Wondering
What in the world did I do

I'm crazy
For thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying
And crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you

Push Present

September 11, 2013



Just when you think you've heard everything something totally absurd comes along. I was driving to work a few weeks ago and listening to the radio. They have a segment called Couples Court. A husband or wife calls in with a dispute and listeners vote on whose is right. And I'M divorced? Anyway this particular segment involved the wife complaining that she did not receive the "push present" she had requested.


So, I know some of you are thinking, as I was, this can't be what it sounds like. But sorry to say it is. It's a present the husband gives the wife for having a baby. So if you don't push is the deal off or do you get a bigger present because you actually had surgery? It opens a whole new area for Hallmark. Are there special push cards? Do the presents escalate with each child? Do you get a present for sacrificing your body? Something extra if you breast feed? Can there be future presents involved? Maybe a little bling to cheer you up if you get hemorrhoids or bladder prolapse? What do varicose veins get you? I could just go on and on.


I remember getting roses when I had Josh. Just a dozen, nothing extravagant. And with Hilary I didn't even get a ride home. No, a limo did not come for me. My sister came to pick me up on her lunch hour. Boy, was I gypped!!! The way I see it I'm owed two presents. Maybe the diamond engagement ring I never had and the Lexus SUV I thought was so cute.

Hummingbirds and Butterflies

September 7, 2013



My vacation is really over today. It's Saturday and I have to work. All day. Ten long hours. I was really getting used to being at home. Getting up late, going to the gym in the morning, doing errands, going out to dinner, cleaning my house and catching up on all the little stuff at a leisurely pace. It was wonderful and relaxing. Of course as soon as I got home that sense of sadness started to creep in again.


Where was Monica to get my fruit in the morning and Alyson to plan my day? All the friends in and out to make me laugh and remind me of how lucky I am in their friendship. Oh no. I couldn't get down again like I was before we left for the Vineyard.


So I had a good talk with myself. Yes, I talk to myself a lot. Monica can attest to that as we had the two upstairs bedrooms and she would hear me having conversations with inanimate objects. I told her not to pay attention to me. I was just thinking things through out loud.


That's when I saw the hummingbird in my yard. We had always tried to get them to come to our feeder and they never did. This year I found the old feeder and was about to throw it out but decided to give it one last try. I made simple syrup and hung it off the deck. And Sunday as I was unpacking I looked out the window and there it was. A delicate beautiful hummingbird. I wanted to get a picture of it but was afraid to move. And just as quickly it was gone. I've seen it lots of times this past week and yesterday as I was filling all the feeders along came a gorgeous dark blue butterfly. So fleeting and elusive. Just like life. One minute and your whole life can change.


So since I am healthy and still semi coherent I am going to try to enjoy every minute of my life. I know that is a lofty goal but a worthwhile one. And along the way I will try to remember that everything is not always what it seems. People have burdens that we may never imagine.

Top Ten Vacation Quotes

September 3, 2013


Harwich, MA

10. "I want you to meet Barry. He owns his own business."


9.  "My wife, my wife, my wife...."


8. "Crows mate for life."


7. "Let's play Yahtzee."


6. "Faux Gigi."



Edgartown, MA


5. "I think we're moving!"


4. "What's the plan, Julie?"


3. "Where did the meat for this hamburger come from?"


2. "I have a suggestion. Do you want to hear it?"


1. "We're on island."

Sure Cure

August 28, 2013

Martha's Vineyard. I've been told it's paradise. A sure cure for the blues. It couldn't have come at a better time for me. Because blue is how I've been feeling. About lost dreams and plans for my (our) future. A future I will now face alone. 

But stepping off the ferry in perfect weather does do wonders for the soul. Spending hours at the edge of the ocean reading and people watching is better than any medicine in the world. ( no matter how arduous the journey to the water might be! But more about that later!) Laughing when my friends jokingly ask me if I want to play frisbee or go paddle boarding. Sleeping late, taking outdoor showers, shopping, and being with friends is a sure cure. I'm not positive if the island itself is the magic ingredient but I'm not questioning the result.

Fringe Festival

August 22, 2013



This past weekend I did one of my most favorite things. I went to the Fringe Festival in Manhattan. I think I talked about it last year but it is worth repeating. For the price of one Broadway play ticket three people can see three up and coming plays by unknown writers.  Well, maybe they are not ALL up and coming. Some of them are downright awful. Which is why Hilary didn't join us.


I also got to have dim sum. Another of my favorites. I haven't had dim sum ages. SInce before the divorce. We (Josh, Jocelyn and I) went to the Red Egg, a restaurant I had been wanting to try in Chinatown. Maybe we ordered too much food but it was delicious. Then off to the plays.


We were a little late for the first one but I acted pathetic enough to be let in. I was trying to explain how the train was late, which it was. I think he took pity on the fact that we were suburbanites. That play was not so good but it concerned an Italian family in the 70's so it made me laugh. Josh and Jocelyn both pointed out that it was not well written or acted but I didn't care.


We were on time for the next one. It was a radio show and it was excellent. And then on to the last show called "Bellini and the Sultan." Needs some polish but was enjoyable. All in all a better selection than we made last year.


The rain held off and we had dinner at The Mermaid Inn again. I guess that will be a new tradition as long as attend the Fringe together. Raw bar, drinks and good company. Yes, that will stay on my list of repeats.

Pottery Barn Adventure

August 12, 2013



I finally got rid of the old couch in my family room this week. The one that reclined and had a table attached to it. The really big one that families with kids own. I got a really pretty, much smaller sectional from Pottery Barn. Another big purchase I made on my own. Well, okay. Mary and Alyson saw it with me in Westport, then Hilary came to look at it, then Margo met me at the Westfarms Mall when I was ready to buy it. But basically it was on my own! I measured the room and the couch a million times to be sure it would fit.


It's slipcovered. I never had a slipcovered couch. "Will the delivery men put the slipcovers on for me?" Oh no, I was assured it would be easy. But they really didn't know how bad I am at that sort of thing. So it arrived here on Thursday. No muss, no fuss. The men, who just about spoke English, left the slipcovers on the seats. I asked if they were on the correct seats and they said yes. But I'm not really sure they could understand what I was asking.


You can guess what happened next, right? I put the wrong ones on. On the bigger sectional the covers were not long enough. I was sure the white part of the couch should not be showing. The wedge part was impossible to fit. A big bunch of material was hanging off the top. What to do? I'm not proud of this but I actually cried. I sat on the floor amidst all the packing material and cried! It became much bigger than just the slipcovers. How was I supposed to do this all alone? Not just the sofa but life?


Then that little voice in my head spoke, Yes, I hear voices all the time. I prefer to call it "talking to myself" instead of any other more sinister terms. "Pull yourself together. You save people's lives. It's just a sofa!" So I called Pottery Barn. While I was talking to the very nice salesperson I stepped back and looked at everything. It seems like I forgot to take off the cushions, which get covered separately. And indeed, the slipcovers were not left on the right sections. I realized I had put them on the wrong pieces. The arm part of the slipcover should go on the arm part of the sofa!


Now it looks just like it did in the store. Throughly put together and sophisticated. Now if only the rest of my life would follow suit.

Silver Fire

August 8, 2013



Silver FIre. That's what they are calling the latest fire in Southern California. I didn't know they named fires. Like hurricanes? One of my most favorite places is southern California. A place that was on my list as a possible retirement area. (I know, Margo. Too far away for you!) When I was young I went out to California to work, never to return again. I have a special place in my heart for California. A place to start over. To live a different life style.


So it is particularly disturbing to watch these fires on TV and wonder what those people are feeling as they flee their homes. To watch firefighters risk their lives to put out these fires. First responders, who in my opinion are never paid what they are worth. While we debate whether Alex Rodriquez should be banned from baseball these men and women are being paid a pittance for what they do everyday. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to look at Alex but 20 million dollars to play baseball? Really?


Anyway my heart goes out to all those people battling this blaze and many others out west. It puts a lot of my problems in perspective.

Top Ten Questions

                                                Summer Top Ten




10. What the heck is Candy Crush Saga and how do you "give life" there?


9. Why do people going to the gym try to find the closest parking space to the building?


8. Do other people think about what they are going to eat for dinner while they are AT the gym?
    (or it that something just I do?)


7. Again, why don't drivers use blinkers anymore?


6. Why would someone come for an OPERATION and not know what they are having done?


5. Will the Kindle really replace a real book?


4.  Is reality television ever going to be over?


3. Will my house ever be clean???


2. Will I ever stop caring if it's clean?


1. What's next?

eHarmony

August 5, 2013



A friend sent me a link for a free weekend with eHarmony in early July. I decided to try it and see what would happen. Well, so far NOTHING!!! I was told by someone at the start that online dating would not work for someone my age. I guess he was right. But it's worth a try, right?


I really want to meet the DOCTOR in the commercial who claims they read your profile and match you up with someone of similar interests!! Ha. They have sent me matches of people who don't drink, are extremely conservative, want someone who can share their deep religious faith and don't like to travel. Who read MY profile? If you know me at all you can clearly see that these are not appropriate matches. So what did they do? Sort by age? Anyone in my age group who is not dead??? OMG!!


When I told Margo what I was doing she said, "Try to be nice." What does that mean? "Write a nice profile," she said.  But I'm a sarcastic bitch (sometimes) and I can't lie (all the time.) I want to put that right up front. But I have soooo many redeeming qualities as well. So I tried to focus on those but still no takers!!! A few people expressed interest but one lives in Illinois and the other won't send a picture! And surprisingly EVERY guy thinks Valentines Day is SWEET! Really???


So maybe I should go with my original profile. Woman of a certain age, intelligent, warm, hard working, great sense of humor.(I think) Fairly good cook. Loves to travel, eat out, go to movies, plays, concerts and sporting events. Except for the year preceding my divorce have never been skinny but do not take up two seats on a plane. Love the beach as long as I can read and lay in the sun. Does not want to parasail, play frisbee, bungee jump or any sport that I have to freeze my ass off to master. As stated before CAN be a sarcastic bitch but in a good way. I am also loud and bossy sometimes. BUT if you are my friend I will be loyal and true. How's that, Margo? Nice enough?

Mixed Emotions

July 31, 2013



Thirty two years ago the weather was much like today. Sunny, warm and dry. Beautiful. I remember because that was the day I got married. I remember having my hair done with baby's breath and putting on that long sleeve ivory gown. Yes, IVORY. It really pained Jennie that her baby wouldn't pick a white dress. But I fell in love with that dress the minute I saw it.


But today there is no celebration. There is just mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like "So What" and sometimes I feel like "Breakeven."


                                                                   "So What"  by Pink

Na na na na na na na na na na na na [x2]
I guess I just lost my husband,
I don't know where he went,
So I'm gonna drink my money,
I'm not gonna pay his rent,
I got a brand new attitude and
I'm gonna wear it tonight,
I wanna get in trouble,
I wanna start a fight,
na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight,
na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight.

[Chorus:]
So, so what
I'm still a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don't need you,
And guess what,
I'm having more fun,
And now that we’re done,
I'm gonna show you tonight,
I'm alright,
I'm just fine,
And you're a tool,
So, so what,
I am a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don't want you tonight.


[Chorus]

You weren't there,
You never were,
You want it all,
But that's not fair,
I gave you life,
I gave my all,
You weren't there,
You let me fall.

                                                                   "Breakeven" by The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm falling, falling)
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)

('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)