Rent A Husband

October 28, 2013



I've come to learn there are many aspects to cobbling together a "husband for rent." All the jobs that were divided up when I was married are still here. Just waiting to be accomplished. The bills, the yard work, the car, the plumbing, the cellar, the kitty litter, the garbage.... all the things HE took care of before. All my responsibility now.



Some tasks are easier than others. I can pay the bills on line (whoever would have thought! ) and the kitty litter is no big deal. I drag the garbage and the recyclables down to the curb every week, and when there is a bug anywhere Hilary calls me and I take care of it. I even disposed of the dead mice, although I used a shovel and tried not to look at them as I brought them outside. They were kind of cute and I considered giving them a proper burial but didn't have the time.


But the big things I've had to hire out. Steve takes care of my car and he never said a word when I brought it in a year after it was purchased and confessed that I had never had the oil changed or a tune up. Not because I didn't want to but because it just never occurred to me. Was I supposed to put snow tires on a four wheel drive? I didn't do that either. I watched the sink in Hilary's bathroom leak for weeks but only when the shower handle broke and she couldn't shut off the water did I call Gino. He came that afternoon and the next day with a new faucet that he picked out after I assured him I would love whatever he bought. And I did. Everything fixed now. And Brian. My outdoor person who is slowly becoming my all around handy man husband. He not only does the landscaping but fixed my door, painted the water stain on the ceiling from the leaky shower, and organized the shed outside. I've even let him down into the basement. It's such an embarrassment that it took me weeks to work up the courage to ask him if he could help me straighten it out.


But there are somethings that you can't purchase. At least I can't. I'm sure if I went I Craigslist I could find just about anything I needed. There is still an opening for a "conversation husband" who wants to talk to me just because I AM me. Someone who really "gets" me. Someone who will listen to me talk about my day and the funny stories I have to share. Someone who will look past the sarcastic, jaded comments to see that I am so much more than that. Maybe that "You complete me person" will remain elusive forever. Maybe there is no such thing.

Yard Work

May 15, 2013


I know I've written about yard work many times. But it is a major thorn in my side! I love pulling up the driveway and seeing it look neat and pretty. I went to buy plants the other day and even though it is a little early I planted a rose bush, blueberries ( WHY?) and some small plants on the little slope at the end of the driveway. I always wanted to have plants there. I was so excited about my purchases.


I found the shovel and went to plant. That went fairly well. Except for the rose bush which I tried to plant at the side of the house but kept hitting something white. Was it the drainage pipe or a gas line? I didn't want to do something stupid so I came around to the other side. OK. Success. All the plants were in.


I should have stopped there. But I knew the next few days would be rainy so I decided to fertilize. I'd never done that before but there was the spreader. Is that what it's called? And there was the fertilizer. So I poured it in the spreader and off I went. But nothing was coming out. Is it supposed to be moist and gummy. I didn't think so. I stopped every few feet to unclog the opening until I was finally exasperated. So I started flinging fertilizer all over the lawn. I knew I shouldn't but I did. I just wanted to get it out of the spreader so I could be done.


I have to admit I cried a little. I felt defeated by the lawn. Why wasn't the spreader cleaned out from the last use? Why was I even stuck doing anything with the lawn? Why hadn't I just called Brian? But I cleaned out the spreader and put it away to dry. I will try again next week. But I will call Brian to mulch. I'm not crazy enough to do that myself!