Monday, November 25, 2013

Thanksgiving Week 2013

November 25, 2013

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. The planning, picking out recipes, cooking for days and the actual meal. I loved everything about it. Until 2011 that is. A truly awful week filled with lies and deceit and tears. Last year was a little better although I did not cook any of my favorite dishes. I relied on the kindness of my friends to get me through the day.

This year I HAD planned on cooking the traditional feast but circumstances prevented that. I will join Jocelyn's family in New Jersey. It has proved very liberating to leave the major cooking tasks to someone else and just show up with a dish and a smile! And Howard, I know it is still YOUR favorite holiday, so thanks for inviting me along. I may never cook another Thanksgiving dinner again. Maybe next year I will be at the beach with a rum punch.

As I was told, time has helped heal the pain of divorce and new traditions have replaced the old. But as for Barbara Murcus' advice that the kids would "get over" it, I never thought that was true and I still don't. Even though HE has become "somebody that I used to know" for me, I don't think the kids will ever be able to feel the same again. Someone recently told me about his own divorce. His therapist said he should be prepared to be the bad guy if he left. And he is surprised he is STILL the bad guy years later. Why would that be surprising? And why would you disrupt your whole family to settle for a relationship that is "far from ideal" just because it is "what you have."? Or maybe that was just another version of the "my wife is frigid" line.

Anyway, I am actually looking forward to this week and the coming holiday season. I have Friday off, something that hasn't happened in years. Family and friends and parties. I'm even going back to the Red Lion Inn this year. And spending a few days in Vermont for New Years Eve. Slowly and thoughtfully, a new way of life is taking shape. Baby steps.

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