August 22, 2012
One of the reasons I still get the New Haven Register is to read the obituaries. I always check to see if there is anyone I know. Either family, relative of a friend or a patient. Lately, even a few of my contemporaries.
The New York Times has the best obits. Loving wife, faithful friend, devoted mother etc. They also publish sentiments from other people. Things to tell about a life well lived. I always wanted mine to be in the Times. I instructed my friend Jeanne to make sure any obituary includes the fact that for years I sewed Halloween costumes for my kids. The poodle skirt, the Cleopatra outfit and the beautiful witch costume for Hilary. The Mozart vest, the Renaissance caftan, and the wizard's robe for Josh. In fact if I can find them I want them hanging at my memorial service!
But mostly I always imagined the first lines would read, "Loving wife and best friend of 50 years to her husband Dave." But I can cross that wish off my list. I will never have a 50th anniversary picture published with a caption that says "party hosted by their children." Their wedding invitations will not read the son or daughter of Mr. and Mrs. David Graboff. I am still amazed and saddened by this turn of events. And I'm sure I always will be.
I have learned one thing from hearing the stories of my friends who have been divorced. No matter how long it has been the wounds never go away. The time between thinking about them may grow longer but when they surface the pain is still unchanged.