August 27, 2012
"He's four years older than you, Lucy, and his parents are divorced." That was Jennie, 39 years ago when I first started dating Dave. She didn't think he was right for me. AND he wasn't Italian or Catholic! "But Mom, I'm not marrying his family. We love each other. He would never hurt me." She did eventually grow to love him, maybe even more than she loved me sometimes! I miss her but am glad she is not here to see this.
Dave's mother, Shirley destroyed her family 30 years ago in much the same way he has done. She left her husband and children and moved in with another woman. Although as far as I can remember she never talked about being a lesbian she lived with Yvonne for the last 30 years of her life. And I'm the one who never talked about anything important. But that behavior fits in with the pattern of our marriage. Dave did his very best to avoid conflict of any kind. Until, of course he met his soul mate.
I can't help but compare how similar the two situations are to each other. Dave destroyed his family to live with a lesbian, or former lesbian or bisexual or whatever she's calling herself now. I'll just stick to calling her Bhalu (Nepali) to make it easier. I guess that word fits whatever your sexual orientation happens to be. One of my friends who has known us both for a very long time says, "he is climbing back into the womb." I'm not sure about that but maybe Barbara, his high priced therapist should have explored that instead of analyzing me in absentia.
Shirley recently died in Arizona, in a strange home without her loved ones around to care for her. The woman she left her family for didn't really take care of her in the end. "What goes around comes around." One of my mother's favorite sayings. You were right again, Mom. Only this time I didn't listen to you. But I have two wonderful children and what I thought of, until a few years ago, as a happy marriage. For that I have no regrets.