"This House is Killing Me"

September 25, 2012


Last week I received the official copy of the deed that says my house is now in my name only. Everything signed over to me. Bittersweet is the only word I can use to describe the feeling. I love my house. It's not big or stylish. Things may be starting to look dated. It is not in a top neighborhood. But I raised my kids here and spent so many hours waiting by the window for all of them, including Dave, to come home. Crazy, I know. But I feel happy and safe here. And my kitchen is gorgeous! Especially my new refrigerator!

I always thought that when the house was paid off things would get easier, money wise. We talked about what we would do when that happened. I never expected to be here by myself, worrying about the yard, the utilities, the bills. But here I am doing just that. We always had someone to cut the grass and plow the driveway in the winter but now I had to hire someone to landscape and maintain the lawn. Something I never had to think about in the past. And since the poison ivy incident I realized I couldn't keep up without some help.

When he said ,"This house is killing me," it hurt almost as much as the day he said, "I just don't love you enough."