Empire State of Mind

Sept 6, 2012



New York, that wonderful town. Dave and I loved New York. We always talked about moving there when the kids were grown. Our plan was to retire in the city. But that plan took a real jump start after he met the malaya (Swahili). All of a sudden he needed to get a new job. And it had to be in New York, even though Hilary was still in school and I told him I wouldn't move until she was finished. But no, he had to go right away. The subsidized apartment was for him to spend the night when he got out late (haha) Yes, I believed that. And for us to spend weekends there to see if we would like living there.

And I did like it there. No, I LOVED it there. I loved the little neighborhood on the upper east side. I loved going to the Italian market, Agata and Valentina. I loved the new TJ Maxx that opened there. I loved seeing first run movies and off Broadway plays. I loved having dim sum in Chinatown on the weekend. The smells, the noise, the crowds. I loved everything about it.

I really thought we would rent a place there. In fact we had even seen some real estate agents. ??? One of the things I was most upset about when this first happened was the thought that I would never regain was my ability to enjoy the city again.

The first time I went back was right after he left. I went Christmas shopping with Hilary. It was a disaster. Everything was still surreal. We didn't buy anything even though I was ready to get her whatever she wanted. I wonder if she felt as badly as I did. She would never tell me but I spent the whole train ride home trying not to cry.

Josh also had a hard time returning to the city. We had all spent so many enjoyable moments there as a family in the past. It was hard to accept the new reality. But gradually we have all returned. Josh, Jocelyn and I have taken a cooking class there and went to a play for his birthday and of course the Fringe Festival. Hilary and I also saw a play there and are making plans to go again this month. And I have decided if there is something interesting going on I will go alone.

It hasn't been easy. But he took so much from me. This is something I won't let him have.

I know this is long ( and Margo you are loving it!) but I wanted to include some of the lyrics from Alicia Keyes:


Even if it ain’t all it seems, I got a pocketful of dreams
Baby, I'm from New York
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothing you can't do
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Hear it for New York, New York, New York!