Monday, July 9, 2012

Marital Funds

 July 9, 2012

One of my favorite places to shop used to be Super Walmart.  Marshalls and TJ Maxx were my other favorites. I never bought anything unless it came from one of those stores or was on sale. No matter how much I wanted it. I shopped for bargains all the time.

So you can imagine my outrage when I realized my husband was supporting The "Big W" using marital funds. Another term I had never heard before going through divorce mediation. See what a learning experience this has been!

 I already shared my obsessive monitoring of the credit cards and bank account. When I heard she couldn't find a place to live I realized he was moving to Long Island to support her. Why else leave our hospital subsidized apartment in Manhattan that was next door to his job? I found charges and checks from our joint accounts paying for rent, utilities, groceries, liquor, furniture and entertainment. When I angrily called him on it he responded, " I get to live, too." Yes, but does SHE also get to live off my hard work? He claimed she was paying for things. Like what? One day he even called and told me "they" were looking for an end table! Imagine him thinking that was an appropriate comment to share with his heart broken wife.

Be aware, ladies. Scrimping and saving will not do a thing for you when negotiating for alimony. Just like adultery, no one will care. I was told I did that willingly. And I did. But I did it so WE would be able to retire early and enjoy life together. Not so he could spend it supporting a confused "former" lesbian. I lived with broken shades in our bedroom, drove an old car, and always settled for second best. All in the spirit that we were a team, working toward a common goal.  I never even had an engagement ring because we couldn't afford one when we got married.

Well, live and learn. I am more apt to treat myself. I recently purchased my first Coach purse with my OWN credit card. Ok, so I bought it from the outlet store and it was on sale, but still!


  1. I have been reading it Lu! And while I was devastated to hear this news, I am happy that you are doing better and taking care of yourself. Divorce is never easy. My parents divorced when I was a toddler, and it still was an ever-present factor growing up. But, it sounds like you have a great support system, including your two children and many friends. It kind of seems like a new chance at life Lu, a chance to do all of the things you didn't do before because you were saving or raising your children. Just embrace it, explore, and do all the things you have ever dreamed of doing :)