August 9, 2012
So many people have asked the same questions either directly or to one of my friends. Here are some answers.
1. Yes. I am staying in "that house." It's not that big, I love my kitchen and now I have lots of new
things to enjoy.
2. No. I don't want to move to "the shoreline." As impossible as that is to believe!
3. No. I had no clue he was cheating. Even though the signs were all there.
4. Yes. I am a strong person but this is VERY hard.
5. Yes. It's true, I had no idea what our finances were like.
6. No. I am not increasing my work hours unless it becomes absolutely necessary.
7. No. The KY jelly did not belong to me.
8. Yes. I do miss having a man around the house.
9. And to the people who implied he is such a stud for "converting" a lesbian (apparently the fantasy
of many men. Who knew?) and to the few who actually had the nerve to ask me, maybe she just
has nothing to compare him with.
10. Just an update on my garden. I have picked four very small grape tomatoes from my container
plants. But Hindinger's tomatoes and peaches are delicious this year. Last night I made a tomato
and peach salad with my freshly picked basil.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Beach Day
August 7, 2012
Last Friday I took a road trip with my childhood friends, Margo and Annemarie. We went to Scarborough beach in Rhode Island. Since I had received my consolation prize (a new car) in the divorce settlement we had been talking about taking a day trip. We piled our beach gear in the trunk and took off early. For some reason I did not plug in the GPS and of course we got a little lost. But we finally arrived.
It's not as easy to go to the beach as it was when we were teenagers. So much paraphernalia. Towels, blankets, food, umbrellas. One for each of us and an extra one just in case. Clothes to change into when we were done. Makeup, soap, jewelry etc. We planned to shower there and go out to dinner.
After spending all day in the sun we packed up to make the trek to the car. I'm not sure which one of us said, "Next time we're spending the night at the hotel across the street!" But we all agreed, it was getting way too hard to make do without the luxury of a room to freshen up in.
After eating at the Coast Guard Restaurant we started home. Margo was on a mission to find an ice cream place to try. She spent half the way home looking on her IPhone and finally found Dad's of Niantic. We stopped there and had LLBean muddy bean boots(peanut ice cream with brownie bits) and black raspberry chocolate chip. It was delicious and creamy. Dad's is a clam shack across from the beach in Niantic and from what I could see the food looked pretty good. Typical fried seafood.
So all in all a good weekend. Beach, Yankees and food. Some good days and some incredibly painful moments. Hopefully time will help.
Last Friday I took a road trip with my childhood friends, Margo and Annemarie. We went to Scarborough beach in Rhode Island. Since I had received my consolation prize (a new car) in the divorce settlement we had been talking about taking a day trip. We piled our beach gear in the trunk and took off early. For some reason I did not plug in the GPS and of course we got a little lost. But we finally arrived.
It's not as easy to go to the beach as it was when we were teenagers. So much paraphernalia. Towels, blankets, food, umbrellas. One for each of us and an extra one just in case. Clothes to change into when we were done. Makeup, soap, jewelry etc. We planned to shower there and go out to dinner.
After spending all day in the sun we packed up to make the trek to the car. I'm not sure which one of us said, "Next time we're spending the night at the hotel across the street!" But we all agreed, it was getting way too hard to make do without the luxury of a room to freshen up in.
After eating at the Coast Guard Restaurant we started home. Margo was on a mission to find an ice cream place to try. She spent half the way home looking on her IPhone and finally found Dad's of Niantic. We stopped there and had LLBean muddy bean boots(peanut ice cream with brownie bits) and black raspberry chocolate chip. It was delicious and creamy. Dad's is a clam shack across from the beach in Niantic and from what I could see the food looked pretty good. Typical fried seafood.
So all in all a good weekend. Beach, Yankees and food. Some good days and some incredibly painful moments. Hopefully time will help.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Boys Are Stupid
August 6, 2012
Many years ago when Hilary was in grade school she would tell me about the antics of the boys in her class ( that was before I sent her to an all girls high school. ) I would say, "Boys are stupid. Look at you brother." Sorry, Josh. Not a reflection of your superior intellect! Love you to death! As she got older I modified that to include, "They don't get much smarter as they get older." I thought her father was an exception but even he has proven me right.
Mary and I went to the Yankees game this past Saturday. It was brutally hot and we were sitting in the cheap seats. The plan was to eat lunch at the concessions. Garlic fries and steak sandwiches. Being women of a certain age prompted us to check out the NYY Steakhouse. Beautiful bar, white tablecloths and AC! Whatever we saved on the seats we spent having a very lovely lunch. Steak sandwiches, fries and onion rings at ten times the price of the concessions.
Anyway we finally sat in our seats covered in suntan lotion. As the day went on the fans kept drinking beer. You know, to stay hydrated. Not much food being sold but lots of beer. The seventh inning came and every Yankees fan knows that is Kate Smith time. Her rendition of God Bless America. The man in front of us did not take off his hat. Do you have to do that for Kate Smith? The guys behind us thought so. They started heckling him. He gave them the finger. All of a sudden someone threw a water bottle at him. The security guard ran into the stands to eject him. As he came down the bleachers the brother of hat man tried to hit him. By this time the police were there and it was quickly squelched. But the little boy with them was clearly upset and crying.
Guys, is that part of baseball sportsmanship I don't know about? Does testosterone really rule all your actions? Are there any men out there who don't have to constantly prove how big their balls are? Of course, I'm referring to baseballs!
Many years ago when Hilary was in grade school she would tell me about the antics of the boys in her class ( that was before I sent her to an all girls high school. ) I would say, "Boys are stupid. Look at you brother." Sorry, Josh. Not a reflection of your superior intellect! Love you to death! As she got older I modified that to include, "They don't get much smarter as they get older." I thought her father was an exception but even he has proven me right.
Mary and I went to the Yankees game this past Saturday. It was brutally hot and we were sitting in the cheap seats. The plan was to eat lunch at the concessions. Garlic fries and steak sandwiches. Being women of a certain age prompted us to check out the NYY Steakhouse. Beautiful bar, white tablecloths and AC! Whatever we saved on the seats we spent having a very lovely lunch. Steak sandwiches, fries and onion rings at ten times the price of the concessions.
Anyway we finally sat in our seats covered in suntan lotion. As the day went on the fans kept drinking beer. You know, to stay hydrated. Not much food being sold but lots of beer. The seventh inning came and every Yankees fan knows that is Kate Smith time. Her rendition of God Bless America. The man in front of us did not take off his hat. Do you have to do that for Kate Smith? The guys behind us thought so. They started heckling him. He gave them the finger. All of a sudden someone threw a water bottle at him. The security guard ran into the stands to eject him. As he came down the bleachers the brother of hat man tried to hit him. By this time the police were there and it was quickly squelched. But the little boy with them was clearly upset and crying.
Guys, is that part of baseball sportsmanship I don't know about? Does testosterone really rule all your actions? Are there any men out there who don't have to constantly prove how big their balls are? Of course, I'm referring to baseballs!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
We don't have to get divorced
August 8, 2012
Yes, that's what he said when he was leaving me the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Sunday morning was always special for me. I would get up before anyone else and start the coffee, read my email and throw in a load of laundry. Then I would get the newspapers. Dave would get up late ( he used to like to sleep late. That is, until he had to run to catch the Port Jeff ferry to be back before I returned from work.) He would get bagels because they "had to be fresh." That Sunday we were supposed to leave to spend a few days in Manhattan. He was acting skittish and I finally asked him what was wrong. " I don't love you enough. "
Wow. Nothing like that to bolster your self esteem. I was already feeling old and haggard. That was just the icing on the cake!" But we don't have to get divorced. We can still keep our bank account and I will continue to pay the bills from there." I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly. "So let me get this right," I asked." You will live somewhere else and sleep with someone else and I will stay here?" His response, " Well, I'm doing that now." Yes, thank-you for that.
I will admit I briefly considered that proposal. I didn't know how I could possible survive without his overseeing our financial affairs. Maybe if I didn't have a daughter to think about I would have even agreed. But she already saw me as weak and beaten and I didn't want to give her any more reason to continue with that sentiment. The next week I talked to a lawyer. What did Dave say to that? "I didn't think you would ask for alimony!!!"
Incredible, I know. What I want to know is, was the Kussi (Farsi) so desperate to have him that she would agree to such a setup. She would live with a married man and let him support her? But I guess she was doing that anyway. As Jennie would have said," She must have grown up in a barn."
Yes, that's what he said when he was leaving me the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Sunday morning was always special for me. I would get up before anyone else and start the coffee, read my email and throw in a load of laundry. Then I would get the newspapers. Dave would get up late ( he used to like to sleep late. That is, until he had to run to catch the Port Jeff ferry to be back before I returned from work.) He would get bagels because they "had to be fresh." That Sunday we were supposed to leave to spend a few days in Manhattan. He was acting skittish and I finally asked him what was wrong. " I don't love you enough. "
Wow. Nothing like that to bolster your self esteem. I was already feeling old and haggard. That was just the icing on the cake!" But we don't have to get divorced. We can still keep our bank account and I will continue to pay the bills from there." I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly. "So let me get this right," I asked." You will live somewhere else and sleep with someone else and I will stay here?" His response, " Well, I'm doing that now." Yes, thank-you for that.
I will admit I briefly considered that proposal. I didn't know how I could possible survive without his overseeing our financial affairs. Maybe if I didn't have a daughter to think about I would have even agreed. But she already saw me as weak and beaten and I didn't want to give her any more reason to continue with that sentiment. The next week I talked to a lawyer. What did Dave say to that? "I didn't think you would ask for alimony!!!"
Incredible, I know. What I want to know is, was the Kussi (Farsi) so desperate to have him that she would agree to such a setup. She would live with a married man and let him support her? But I guess she was doing that anyway. As Jennie would have said," She must have grown up in a barn."
Friday, August 3, 2012
Joint Credit Cards
August 3, 2012
As I said before I hadn't paid a bill in many years. I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle the finances or have enough money to " not change my lifestyle." As soon as I was able to think semi clearly I hit the stores. I already told you how I spruced up the house and got everything I could serviced and checked. Now it was time for me to buy things.
Did I go out and get furs and jewelry? Totally not my style. Where DID I go? BJ's, Walmart, Shoprite and Trader Joes's. I have enough toilet paper and tissues for the next few years. Paper towels galore! Enough kitty litter to last as long as Ophelia is alive. Canned goods and coffee beans. I stocked up on everything I could think of. If he was supporting another woman I sure wasn't going to run out of toilet paper!
I gave some thought about buying myself some jewelry. I even looked at a ring. But I wanted that to be purchased with my own money. So maybe, when I have some time I will shop for a nice ring to replace my wedding band. Maybe I will sell both rings and use that money toward a new one. Sort of symbolic. Or maybe bad luck, I haven't decided.
As I said before I hadn't paid a bill in many years. I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle the finances or have enough money to " not change my lifestyle." As soon as I was able to think semi clearly I hit the stores. I already told you how I spruced up the house and got everything I could serviced and checked. Now it was time for me to buy things.
Did I go out and get furs and jewelry? Totally not my style. Where DID I go? BJ's, Walmart, Shoprite and Trader Joes's. I have enough toilet paper and tissues for the next few years. Paper towels galore! Enough kitty litter to last as long as Ophelia is alive. Canned goods and coffee beans. I stocked up on everything I could think of. If he was supporting another woman I sure wasn't going to run out of toilet paper!
I gave some thought about buying myself some jewelry. I even looked at a ring. But I wanted that to be purchased with my own money. So maybe, when I have some time I will shop for a nice ring to replace my wedding band. Maybe I will sell both rings and use that money toward a new one. Sort of symbolic. Or maybe bad luck, I haven't decided.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Mother Theresa
August 2, 2012
I was reading through my past blogs. And just for the record I am no Mother Theresa. I'm not even remotely saint like. I take full responsibility for my part in whatever was wrong in my marriage. I can be an extremely sarcastic bitch. Just ask anyone who knows me well. And probably those who don't. But I would never be so deceitful as to cheat on my husband. ( George Clooney would not be cheating. It would be fulfilling a dream.) I am very direct and straightforward. If someone tells me they are going to the mall to Christmas shop I have no reason to think they have elaborate plans for their day. Plans that include hurting me. Deliberately.
So I hope that this experience will not turn me into a bitter woman. I still want to believe that people are capable of loving unconditionally. No matter what.
Margo's daughter got engaged last week and I shared in their happiness Sunday night. I want to believe that people can marry and spend the rest of their lives with each other. That they can respect their vows in good times and bad. For better or worse.
So even though my sarcasm and my cynicism may increase I want to keep a part of my naivete. I want to think that, deep down inside, people are basically good and kind and honest. I don't want to lose that part of myself.
I was reading through my past blogs. And just for the record I am no Mother Theresa. I'm not even remotely saint like. I take full responsibility for my part in whatever was wrong in my marriage. I can be an extremely sarcastic bitch. Just ask anyone who knows me well. And probably those who don't. But I would never be so deceitful as to cheat on my husband. ( George Clooney would not be cheating. It would be fulfilling a dream.) I am very direct and straightforward. If someone tells me they are going to the mall to Christmas shop I have no reason to think they have elaborate plans for their day. Plans that include hurting me. Deliberately.
So I hope that this experience will not turn me into a bitter woman. I still want to believe that people are capable of loving unconditionally. No matter what.
Margo's daughter got engaged last week and I shared in their happiness Sunday night. I want to believe that people can marry and spend the rest of their lives with each other. That they can respect their vows in good times and bad. For better or worse.
So even though my sarcasm and my cynicism may increase I want to keep a part of my naivete. I want to think that, deep down inside, people are basically good and kind and honest. I don't want to lose that part of myself.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Goodbye July
August 1, 2012
Yeah!! July is over. Normally the best month of the year for me. I love the summer, the beach, the warmth, the days lasting longer. And all my celebrations. My mother's birthday was in July and two of my best friends have children born in July. But this year it was just something to "get through." And I did. Thanks to my friends and my kids. Everyone went above and beyond to keep my spirits positive. But like I said before, sometimes a street sign, a memory, a TV commercial, will bring it all crashing around you. When you least expect it.
I am sure you can tell by yesterday's blog that it would have been my 31st anniversary. Instead of being on vacation like I had planned I went to work for half a day. But I was determined not to mope around when I got home.
I decided to go to The Collins Creamery with Hilary for ice cream. It is in Enfield. Who knew Enfield was so far away? Not being good with directions (and that's an understatement!) I put the address in my GPS. However I failed to look at the distance until we hit Hartford. I thought it said 36 more miles. But it couldn't. That would be almost in Massachusetts. Right at that point the GPS decided to stop working. I quickly got out my IPhone but I am not as familiar with using that for directions. But guess what? We found the place. And it was very near Longmeadow MA. It was a very long ride for ice cream, especially after waking up at 4:30 AM for work that morning.
The Collins Creamery is adorable. A quaint white building set on a farm. Cows were in the pasture next to us. I even bought a gorgeous pot of zinnias for my porch. The ice cream, coconut chocolate chip and Collins Compost (brownie batter base and oreo cookies) was flavorful and creamy. No ice, Josh! They had lots of flavors to choose from and also had soft serve and frozen yogurt. And as an added treat I found a Marshall's to stop at on the way home.
Yeah!! July is over. Normally the best month of the year for me. I love the summer, the beach, the warmth, the days lasting longer. And all my celebrations. My mother's birthday was in July and two of my best friends have children born in July. But this year it was just something to "get through." And I did. Thanks to my friends and my kids. Everyone went above and beyond to keep my spirits positive. But like I said before, sometimes a street sign, a memory, a TV commercial, will bring it all crashing around you. When you least expect it.
I am sure you can tell by yesterday's blog that it would have been my 31st anniversary. Instead of being on vacation like I had planned I went to work for half a day. But I was determined not to mope around when I got home.
I decided to go to The Collins Creamery with Hilary for ice cream. It is in Enfield. Who knew Enfield was so far away? Not being good with directions (and that's an understatement!) I put the address in my GPS. However I failed to look at the distance until we hit Hartford. I thought it said 36 more miles. But it couldn't. That would be almost in Massachusetts. Right at that point the GPS decided to stop working. I quickly got out my IPhone but I am not as familiar with using that for directions. But guess what? We found the place. And it was very near Longmeadow MA. It was a very long ride for ice cream, especially after waking up at 4:30 AM for work that morning.
The Collins Creamery is adorable. A quaint white building set on a farm. Cows were in the pasture next to us. I even bought a gorgeous pot of zinnias for my porch. The ice cream, coconut chocolate chip and Collins Compost (brownie batter base and oreo cookies) was flavorful and creamy. No ice, Josh! They had lots of flavors to choose from and also had soft serve and frozen yogurt. And as an added treat I found a Marshall's to stop at on the way home.
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