Mixed Emotions

July 31, 2013



Thirty two years ago the weather was much like today. Sunny, warm and dry. Beautiful. I remember because that was the day I got married. I remember having my hair done with baby's breath and putting on that long sleeve ivory gown. Yes, IVORY. It really pained Jennie that her baby wouldn't pick a white dress. But I fell in love with that dress the minute I saw it.


But today there is no celebration. There is just mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like "So What" and sometimes I feel like "Breakeven."


                                                                   "So What"  by Pink

Na na na na na na na na na na na na [x2]
I guess I just lost my husband,
I don't know where he went,
So I'm gonna drink my money,
I'm not gonna pay his rent,
I got a brand new attitude and
I'm gonna wear it tonight,
I wanna get in trouble,
I wanna start a fight,
na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight,
na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight.

[Chorus:]
So, so what
I'm still a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don't need you,
And guess what,
I'm having more fun,
And now that we’re done,
I'm gonna show you tonight,
I'm alright,
I'm just fine,
And you're a tool,
So, so what,
I am a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don't want you tonight.


[Chorus]

You weren't there,
You never were,
You want it all,
But that's not fair,
I gave you life,
I gave my all,
You weren't there,
You let me fall.

                                                                   "Breakeven" by The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm falling, falling)
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)

('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)

Celebrations

July 29, 2013


July was always a busy celebration month for me. Birthdays galore and of course my anniversary. So much food and cake!! By the end of the month I was TIRED of ice cream cake. Imagine that? This year we actually used my birthday cake for both Josh and I. AND on two different days. I always forgot about healthy eating at this time of the year because it was almost impossible. But this year we are two celebrations short. One birthday and, as my sister pointed out last night, my anniversary. Oh well, as someone said when this first started I have begun to make new memories.


This year I again went to the Cape and stayed with Margo and Fred. From the minute I got there the laughter began. Annemarie was already there and we spent the week relaxing, talking, drinking and eating and of course going to the beach. Lavender marmalade, Gigi and Barry. Yes, new memories. Poor Fred. Now you're stuck with another single lady. But maybe "stuck" is not the word I'm looking for. Maybe "blessed?" is the word. Lucky Fred!!!


Dempsey's for my birthday and Manhattan for Josh. Lunch at Marseille. Book of Mormons. Fun musical. Cafe Dante for zabaglione. Movies Sunday. ( Only God Forgives, one of the worst movies I have ever seen!) Some traditions just can't be replaced. So a great week of celebrating. I guess Wednesday will be just another day. I did have a small celebration on June 22. So that will be my new tradition.

Can You Be Too Beautiful?

July 19, 2013


Yesterday I went to get my windshield repaired. It had a teeny tiny ding in it, something I thought I would just "monitor." But Josh insisted it needed to be fixed because it could weaken the glass. So I was at Safelite at 8:30 in the morning waiting for them to repair the damage. After telling me there was a possibility the repair might actually make the damage worse they left me in the waiting room. While there I was able to read the newspaper, which was again delivered late, at my uninterrupted leisure.


I read the MOST interesting Op-Ed article in the New York Times. Did you know there is such a thing as "lookism"? It refers to the preferential treatment given to people who conform to society's standard of beautiful. Who knew? Those people apparently make more money than others.


But it seems to have worked in the reverse for Melissa Nelson, a 33 year old dental assistant in Iowa. She was fired by her boss for being too pretty. James Knight, the dentist in question, was worried he would be tempted to have an affair with her because she was too attractive. May I again state, BOYS ARE STUPID. Okay, was it James or his wife who was worried? Or both of them? That says a lot about their relationship. I say Mrs. Knight needs to dump him now. Take it from me, things aren't going to get any better if you are worried about a pretty employee. Are men so weak minded that they can't work with an attractive woman? Come on all you men out there. Say something in your own defense. Let us know you are not just a bunch of animals ready to pounce on the next female. And what does it say about Ms Nelson? Just because she is attractive means she will be WILLING to sleep with a married man. Not all women are whores.


So anyway, Ms. Nelson sued on the grounds of sex discrimination. Surprisingly she lost. Apparently it is legal to be terminated if you are "an irresistible attraction." Shame on you in the Iowa Supreme Court. This sounds like a ruling from the Taliban. Maybe Dr. Knight needs to wear a chastity belt. And his wife should keep the key. That seems like the only way to keep every one in line.

Time Out New York

July 15, 2013



I received my renewal notice for Time Out New York this week. It's a weekly magazine that describes what is happening in the city. With all my new responsibilities I haven't had time to get to Manhattan as often as I would like. I miss it immensely.


I can remember a time when my life included being in the city almost ever other weekend. Planning what to do and see and looking for different places to eat was exciting. I thought that I would eventually get back to that. I bought a train pass and had even planned to go in alone on some of my days off. But it seems like something always came up that prevented me from going. An appointment, a chore or just life seems to have prevented an excursion.


I did get in to see a few plays. I hope to get to enjoy a few Fringe Festival offerings. We saw them last year and that was always sort of a tradition for us. Of course those traditions are totally different now. But they are still MY traditions.


So even though I renewed my New York State nurse's license ( who knows what life will bring ) I was not going to resubscribe to Time Out. But yesterday something wonderful happened. Howard and Lynn (Jocelyn's parents) included me in Josh's birthday celebration in Manhattan. We went in on the train to meet them. My ten ticket pass was about to expire and I had 8 trips left. As we got to 125th Street I began to get excited. And when I left the train at Grand Central I felt that old energy again. The very same feeling I've gotten my whole life from being in the city.


We had lunch at Sardi's. Very 1960's but so much fun. Baked Alaska!!! Set aflame at the table while the two little girls behind us watched in awe. And seeing Macbeth with Alan Cummings. Okay, so a little different interpretation. Josh and Jocelyn dissecting the concept on the way home. But I LOVED the whole day including the play. And as we were walking back to the station I again vowed that I would spend more time in the city.


So this morning I went in the recycle bin to retrieve the subscription notice for Time Out. I guess I'll renew for another year and see what life brings. Thanks to Lynn and Howard for your generosity.

Riverquest

July 8, 2013


The temperature and humidity have been brutal this past week but I'm not really complaining. I love the hot weather and I have central air which makes it so much more bearable. And I did lots of things to beat the heat.


Friday was spent at Water's Edge outside on their deck. Eating outdoors is one of the best things about summer. The music was good and the company even better. And the cool ocean breeze was sublime. All of us dreaming about owning a house on the water. Maybe if we all lived together we could actually afford it!


Saturday we cruised the Connecticut River. Another warm evening made better by being on the water. We all brought food and drinks and had a blast. Margo and Fred, Annemarie, Chris, Annie and Monica. Laughing and talking and enjoying the sites and each other. Of course, for Monica and I it was like a day trip. It didn't help that we went the wrong way on the way home even with GPS. Next time Monica will make sure to put in the correct address.


But it was totally worth the trip. The perfect setting right across from the Goodspeed Opera House and the gorgeous sunset. Amazing. Just as pretty as all those sunsets in Sanibel and the Keys that prompt clapping from the crowds. Of course the car ride was almost as long as a plane flight to Florida! Only kidding, Mon! You are a great designated driver! Maybe I SHOULD be the one who drives to the Cape.

Rescue Me

July 4, 2013



"Rescue Me" was one of my favorite shows. I loved Dennis Leary and his character in that series. In the show he played an alcoholic firefighter post 9/11. Hard drinking and hard living but with a sensitive side few people ever saw. One line that stuck with me was, "We're running in while everyone else is running out."


Yesterday I read the same thing in the New York Times article about the 19 firefighters who perished in Arizona. Except for one person the entire crew of the Granite Mountain Hotshots perished in a wildfire. I hate to see those fires that are so prevalent at this time of the year. I love vacationing in the west and can't imagine all that land on fire. When Hilary and I were talking about a vacation this year one of the places always on our list is California. But we have been there so many times that we picked a different place this year. California was always one of the places I thought I would like to live. To see those awful fires just breaks my heart.


On this Fourth of July as we are celebrating with our families we should remember the people who are not so fortunate. People who risk their lives everyday just by going to work. People who are asked to run in while others are running out. Nineteen families whose lives have changed in a split second. So although again this year I did not make it to see fireworks I am lucky to be surrounded by all the people who are important to me.


Happy Fourth of July. Especially to all of you who are working today.

Cat Fight

July 2, 2013



I wish I could say this post involved me and Anita Pedulla, but it doesn't. She is too frightened to even speak to me over the phone and I don't want to get arrested by actually being in the same state. Maybe she is too ashamed to talk to me? But no. I'm pretty sure she is shameless. There I go, digressing again. This really is about my kitties. Lucy and Hazel that is. I took them to the vet last week to try to figure out how we were all going to live together. But the first problem was getting them in the carriers.


I enlisted Josh, the cat whisperer, to help me. He thought he was just going to accompany me and I would have them all ready to go when he got here. NO WAY. I needed help just putting them in the two carriers. We spent a good part of thirty minutes chasing them around the house trying to corner them and screaming at each other. Remember I'm Italian. Josh is just loud. Finally we sequestered them in my bedroom where they promptly hid under the bed. We tried to lure them out with treats to no avail. I tried pushing them from one side over to Josh. We were both spread out on the floor, sweating and begging them to come out. Finally success!! I'm not sure how but it happened.


On to the vet. I told her about poor Ophelia at home, too scared to come down from the sewing machine because she is afraid of Lucy. And Lucy!!! So sweet looking but totally mischievous. She gave me some suggestions but then admitted I would probably have to find her another home to really solve the problem. I was heartbroken. She is really sweet when she isn't terrorizing the other two. Hazel is overweight so I have to put her on a diet. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. And Hilary does not hesitate  to remind me of that. And now they both have to go back in a few weeks to have booster shots. So we'll have to go through the same scene all over again. I'm giving it until then to start searching for a new home for Lucy. Maybe things will improve in the meantime. I keep trying to explain to her how important good behavior is but I am not making a dent. Sort of reminds me of all the talks I had with Josh when he was at Cheshire Academy.


The best thing about that day was enjoying drinks and dinner at Mikro. A really delicious end to a stressful day. It's too bad I can't end every stressful day at a micropub enjoying a good meal with the people I love.