Can Computers Replace Doctors?

December 11, 2012


Last week the Times had an article about computer diagnosis. Programs that allow one to input symptoms and it will give you a differential diagnosis. And apparently some systems are quite accurate.

But to replace a doctor? I don't think so. I know many physicians who can outsmart a computer. Really. They are compassionate and caring people. They spend time with their patients, answering questions and going over things again and again. Sometimes so much so that I want to go behind the curtain to rescue them(or at least hurry them up!) I would like to think we can exist side by side. Computers to AID human contact not replace it. Some of the best treatment involves just listening to patients. And some of the best doctors really listen to their patients. And the really terrific ones listen to the nurses as well!

Holiday Season.... Harder Than I Thought

December 10, 2012



I made it through Thanksgiving. The one holiday I anticipated as the hardest. But instead of feeling better I feel, if possible, sadder. I find everything brings back memories. The cheesy decorations in department stores, the sentimental Christmas songs, the cards and holiday lights. I am constantly on the verge of tears. Annemarie said it's because I was too numb to feel anything last year and now the reality has finally hit home. I would have to agree with that assessment. But I've always been a big proponent of facing things and dealing with them. SO I guess I will follow my own advice in this case too.

I went to the movies this weekend with friends. We were going to see Anna Karenina but I decided I couldn't see a heavy, sad love story. Especially one involving a cheating spouse. So we saw Flight instead. I thought I would enjoy seeing Denzel in almost every scene. But even he was sad. An out of shape alcoholic. And the crash scene! So authentic it was scary. But a good movie. And no crying (from me at least!) Then a very enjoyable dinner in Fairfield. Good food and good friends will get me through another holiday season. And hope that next year will be easier. For the first time in ages I don't have a song to cheer me up. But I think I recruited someone to see Pink with me in March!

BTW, my Christmas at the Beach candle is heavenly. Maybe that will be my new tradition next year.

Check Engine Light

December 7, 2012



Wednesday Hilary left for the gym in the morning. A few minutes later she was calling me on the phone. She doesn't just call to tell me she loves me. I answered with, "What's wrong?"

"My check engine light is on." Oh shit! I needed some work on my car also but have been trying not to think about it. Did I mention, I HATE car maintenance. Should I take an Ativan or should I deal with this now? Deal now, I decided. I needed to work the next two days so it wasn't going to get any easier.

I called Steve at Skip's garage. We have been going to him for years and I already had the "divorce" talk with him. So there wouldn't be any awkward moments when he asked "How's Dave?" But still, I just didn't want to deal with it at all.

But I did. He told me to come down and he would look at the car. Thankfully nothing seemed to be wrong. We picked it up and he didn't even charge me. He said he could fix my car next week. ( I seemed to have hit the same bank drive through on two separate occasions!) And I got to have lunch with my daughter at Bread and Chocolate. A cute little cafe in Hamden. Breakfast and lunch only. A perk for for having to deal with an unpleasant task. Not to be a Pollyanna but maybe there is a silver lining in most situations if you can keep your wits about you!

Ipad Upgrade

December 6, 2012


I finished Breaking Bad season 4 last week. I've been trying to get the new episodes to load on my Ipad. ( And just as I originally thought, Walter is a psycho.) Sunday I went to dinner with Josh and told him my dilemma. I needed an upgrade to IOS 4.5. What exactly is that? I had no idea. He told me I had to connect my Ipad to the desktop. Okay. I knew how to do that. Easy. He also suggested I start watching Dexter. It's about a serial killer who only kills other serial killers. Interesting. So that night when I went to bed I tried to watch it. But again it said I needed to upgrade.

Tuesday I brought the Ipad downstairs and connected it to the desktop. Turned it on. Looked at it for a few minutes. Nothing. Wasn't it going to do something? Didn't it know about the upgrade? Okay. SO obviously it wasn't as smart as I thought. I was going to have to be more involved. I looked up directions on line but couldn't figure out what to do. That night I called Josh again.

"Mom, you have to hit Ipad." ???? Where was that? "Bring it over when you come on Friday. I'll do it." Just then Hilary walked in the door from a 12 hour shift. You would have thought I asked her for a kidney. I was determined to do it myself.

I found the icon and the update started. Yeah!!! I proudly called Josh to tell him. He said it should take less than thirty minutes. Three and a half hours later I had it up and running. I think. All the passwords are changed and new credit card information entered. It was always hooked up to Dave's information and I was tired of seeing his name every time I needed to sign in. But I honestly don't know what I did. Still can't figure out how to get Breaking Bad or Dexter. So I guess I'll be bringing it to Josh on Friday anyway. Maybe he can even help me with Spotify.

Victoria Peak

December 5, 2012



In April of 2010 Dave and I went to Hong Kong after a medical mission in Vietnam. Why he came on that mission will forever remain a mystery to me as he was already deeply involved with the lesbian conversion. It was my third trip to Vietnam and it is one of my favorite places to go for medical missions. I was excited to be returning and we even brought Hilary with us as she was majoring in nursing.

After the mission was over we met Josh and Jocelyn in Hong Kong. They were teaching English that year in a small school in a remote village in China. I hadn't seen them in seven months. Hong Kong is a fascinating city. The very old and the very new exist side by side. The harbor is beautiful. The people are stylish. High end malls on every street corner right near markets that sell live animals and produce. I loved it. We had a great time (or so I thought)

One day we visited Victoria Peak. It is the highest area in Hong Kong. We went up by tram and I was a little disappointed to find a mall and restaurants there. But when we went up to the observation deck I was enthralled. The view of the city and the harbor was spectacular. There was a house situated on the mountain that looked so calm and peaceful I wanted to own it and live there. I remember not wanting to leave the mountain. I stayed up there a long time. Maybe I had a premonition of what was to come. Someone offered to take a picture of all of us and I was delighted. The happy family.

But as with all things we had to return to reality. I think of that house a lot. I wish I could find that calm peaceful feeling again. The same one I had in a country so far away.

Fidelity. Unnatural?

December 4, 2012



Last week one of the physicians I work with told me that fidelity was "unnatural." His words, not mine. Wow, I wish I knew that 35 years ago, when I was young and my body parts weren't trying to defy gravity. If I had known it was "unnatural" to be faithful my life may have taken a completely different track.

I would have to say that being faithful to one person is hard but not impossible. At least I would like to think that. I know that it was hard for me but I managed to not have an affair (or two) during my marriage as tempting as it would have been. But I could never bring myself to follow through. I knew I would not be able to face my husband or live with myself. And in the end, when we are all alone, what is left but self-respect.

It was also implied that I was anti men. Not true! I LOVE men. They are essential for the continuation of the species(at this point in time anyway.) It is wonderful to have them around to take out the garbage, change the kitty litter and put gas in the car. But all kidding aside, I loved being part of a "couple." I loved having an intact family. I would like to think that there are many men who are capable of being faithful to one woman. But fidelity alone is not enough. Love, loyalty and respect are also important. But maybe I set the bar too high.

So...is it unnatural to expect fidelity in a relationship? Equally so for women as for men? Please let me in on the latest thinking. I would like to be prepared for my next relationship.

Christmas at the Beach

December 3, 2012



I used to love Christmas when I was young. The tree, the songs, Santa. But then I grew up. I had to BE Santa. The crowds, the shopping, the carols. The overheated stores. The anxiety of buying the perfect gift for everyone. The perfect tree (which we never had) the perfect outfit and the perfect dinner. Anyone who knows me knows I am NOT perfect. I don't even want to be perfect. It's boring. But I fell under the spell of holiday craziness.

On Christmas morning the kids would come down and open all their gifts. Their excitement would last for that day. Many of the highly anticipated gifts where not all that was expected. One year I looked around at all the "things" we had bought and I was disgusted by the excess. Children in third world countries were dying from lack of clean water and here we were spending hundreds of dollars on junk. (Reminds me of Jennie saying "Kids in China are starving. Finish your supper." No wonder I have a weight issue!) So I started to cut back on all the gift giving. Instead of buying "things" I tried to concentrate on spending time with my family and friends. Going out to dinner, for a drink or to the movies. NO GIFTS! This year my plan is to donate to Feed the Children. Of course I will not escape the gift giving altogether. I DO have a lot of people to thank this year.

But during all this time of cheer what I always wanted to do was spend Christmas at the beach. Dave and I had always planned to do that after the kids where grown and wouldn't miss us. I still yearn to spend Christmas somewhere warm someday. (Sorry, Margo) To be on the beach while everyone else is slaving over dinner and worrying if their gifts will be well received. Enjoying the sun and the sand. Reading a book and toasting Santa. Hilary and I went to Yankee Candle a few weeks ago. I bought a candle called Christmas at the Beach. I guess that's as close as I'll get this year.