June 16, 2014

                                                                 "Take Me As I Am"

                       

                                                                      Mary J. Blige 

  

[Verse 1:]
She's been down and out
She's been wrote about
She's been talked about, constantly
She's been up and down
She's been pushed around
But they held her down, NYC
She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they
helped make to make she
She's been lost and found
And she's still around
There's a reason for everything

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Verse 2:]
Now she's older now
Yes, she's wiser now
Can't disguise her now
She don't need
No one tellin her
What to do and say
No one tellin her
Who to be
She's on solid ground
She's been lost and found
Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident
This is not the end
Ask me how I know
Cause she is me.

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Bridge: 2x]
So it's all or nothing at all,
All or nothing at all
Don't you know I can only be me.
(I can only be me, yeah)

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Take me as I am.
Take me as I am.
Said it's all or nothing at all
Said it's all or nothing at all

Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all. (This is me)
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing, nothing at all.
Take me as I am.

Thanks to msz. diva for adding these lyrics.Thanks to sscampbell8 for correcting these ly

Meet The Beatles

February 10, 2014

Last night I stayed up past my bedtime. I was still downstairs at 10:30. Unheard of especially in the winter when I sometimes put my pj's on at 4:30. When I started to watch the Beatles tribute I didn't think I would make the whole show. But something magical happened. I was transported back in time to an era where things were simple and I truly believed love could conquer all. 

What a great show. Watching young artists signing the songs I grew up with was amazing. And to see the audience all signing along was a testament to just how timeless their music has become. I can't ever listen to a Beatles song without wanting to sing along. 

Let It Be, Revolution, Sargent Pepper and I Wanna Hold Your Hand. I remember my sister buying me my first album, Meet the Beatles, when I was six. I can still see myself in our tiny living room in East Haven playing it over and over on the victrola. I still have that old album and the record player! Paul was my favorite. I used to kiss his picture while listening to him sing. I used to pretend they wrote Lucy In The Sky for me even after I realized it was about LSD. And of course, I Saw Her Standing There, because I was seventeen when I met Dave. The story of my life and my generation all there last night in my family room. Who could sleep?


I sometimes miss those simpler times. Living in a small ranch with one bathroom and 3 small bedrooms. There was no family room or dining room when I grew up. Only one wall phone that I would go into the bathroom with to talk privately. Do I really need all the rooms I have now and the three bathrooms? When I'm cleaning I definitely miss the tiny ranch of my youth. Or maybe I just miss my youth! But last night brought it all back again. And reminded me of how lucky I am to have lived the kind of life I have. Bittersweet...

I could never bring myself to get rid of these.

My old record player




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhllDK6C6eQ

Fighter

January 17, 2012

Dedicated to David Graboff and Anita Pedulla
Thank-you for helping me become the person I am today.



                                                    "Fighter"  by Christina Aguilera

After all that you put me through,
You think I'd despise you,
But in the end I wanna thank you,
'Cause you've made me that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus:]
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game
I heard you're going round playing the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus]

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretend not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

[Chorus]

You thought I would forget
But I remembered
'Cause I remembered
I remembered
You thought I would forget
I remembered
'Cause I remembered
I remembered

[Chorus]

As Long As You Love Me

January 11, 2012


Justin Bieber. Adorable, isn't he? Such a little boy and already a millionaire. Is he talented? I suppose so. I enjoy some of his music but can't get past his age. How old is he anyway?

But I did like his song, "As Long As You Love Me." How sweet and romantic. But then I really thought about the lyrics. "We can be starving, we can be homeless, we can broke." Not so much.

Maybe when I was seventeen. Maybe when I was too headstrong to listen to my mother's advice about love and relationships. About how someone's family and upbringing can affect their outlook on all their other connections. About how easy it would be to walk away from your family.

But not now. I can't be starving, homeless OR broke. For anyone. Even you George. (Although I suspect you could afford me!) I can't ever "give up everything" for anyone. Because everything means too much to me now. The people who remain in my life are too precious to leave behind for anyone.

P!nk

November 8, 2012



I love to listen to the radio. And since Josh put Pandora on my IPhone (which is always with me) I have become addicted to listening to that. I hardly ever watch TV anymore. I've discovered so many new artists. My new favorite is Pink.

She is totally irreverent and from what I can see the "F" word is one of her favorites. Mine too. Some situations just call for that word. No other word can quite capture that emotion. But I've been using it in a more discriminate fashion lately. It loses its punch if overused.

Her songs are so honest and raw. You never have to guess what she's thinking. I like that. Just put it out there and deal with it. My new resolution.

 Who Knew  by Pink

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

Raise Your Glass

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!


I know I'm often wrong, ( and loud!) but I hope its in all the right ways!

Teenage Dreams

October 3, 2012




Katy Perry. How old is she, anyway? I love her music. I just heard Teenage Dreams for the first time yesterday. The lyrics are certainly not rocket science.

"Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever.

You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't look back,
Don't ever look back"

Certainly this is every mans' dream. Teenage love. The trophy wife. The "hot young babe." Even men my age and older aspire to that. Is it the sex or the status? Will everyone think you are "such a stud?' Does it make you feel like more of a man? I suppose even women my age would like to be squired around by a young sexy guy. I know I would. Although chances of that are happening are not as great as the other way around. There are always women who are wowed by the money or the power of the older man no matter what the age or appearance.

So where does that leave me and the numerous friends I have who are vibrant, sexy and fun? The octogenarians, who would just as soon settle for the young babe themselves? I have always judged a man by the criteria of "Could I wake up next to him in the morning and count on an intelligent conversation?" ( Except for George. He wouldn't have to talk at all.) But truthfully it looks like I don't really have to worry about that. I guess I should plan on waking up to a really good book. Maybe someone will write a song called "Middle Aged Dreams!"

50 Ways To Say Goodbye

"50 Ways To Say Goodbye"by TRAIN

 

My heart is paralyzed
My head was oversized
I'll take the high road like I should
You said it's meant to be
That it's not you, it's me
You're leaving now for my own good

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She went down in an airplane
Fried getting suntanned
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!
She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her
I returned everything I ever bought her
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And ways to say you died

My pride still feels the sting
You were my everything
Some day I'll find a love like yours (a love like yours)
She'll think I'm Superman
Not super minivan
How could you leave on Yom Kippur?

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She was caught in a mudslide
Eaten by a lion
Got run over by a crappy purple Scion
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!
She dried up in the desert
Drowned in a hot tub
Danced to death at an east side night club
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And ways to say you died

I wanna live a thousand lives with you
I wanna be the one you're dying to
Love...but you don't want to

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say
That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She went down in an airplane
Fried getting suntanned
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!
She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her
I returned everything I ever bought her
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies

She was caught in a mudslide
Eaten by a lion
Got run over by a crappy purple Scion
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!
She dried up in the desert
Drowned in a hot tub
Danced to death at an east side night club
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And ways to say you died

Why didn't I think of this? When I was too humiliated to tell people my husband left me for a lesbian why didn't I just tell them he died? 

Lady Gaga

September 27, 2012


I remember the first time I heard Lady Gaga. She was wearing the meat dress and I dismissed her as a kook. But then I started to actually pay attention. I liked her music and she reminded me very much of Madonna.

How could I not like someone born Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta? A nice Italian girl who likes to cook and eat. The more I hear her speak the more I admire her. As a member of the "uncool crowd" I empathize with her. Her "Born This Way Foundation" helps to foster acceptance for everyone.

And today she is speaking out about body image, bulimia and anorexia. I don't know this for sure but I think it affects women more than men. Woman try so hard to look perfect. Men, it seems, not so much. We have all seen the pictures of truly ugly men with absolutely gorgeous women on their arms. Of course most of these men are rich and/or powerful. I'm not sure what they have in common with young beautiful women. Okay so maybe I can guess at the attraction. And I'm thinking it is not intellectual conversation.

Anyway, back to Lady Gaga. I was wrong about her. She is not a "kook." I think she is just like most women. A star, definitely. But trying to find acceptance like the rest of us. I applaud her for her stance on issues affecting young people today. Meat dress and all.

At Last

September 21, 2012



Another weekend is upon us. Last weekend I decided to stay home for the most part. I was planning to clean the house and catch up on things because I had been busy this month. The kids were gone and I would be alone. Also I felt that I should slow down and reflect instead of constantly running.

I did go out for dinner Saturday night with a couple I socialized with when I was married. I got them in the divorce. But then again I got ALL the couples. Everyone we went out with were connected to us through me. I was a little nervous that it would be awkward and I would feel like a "third wheel." But it wasn't that way at all.  I realized I carried most of the conversation when we went out. Surprise, surprise.

Anyway except for that I was home. I decided to put Etta James radio on my Pandora. Her song, At Last, was made popular at President Obama's inauguration. But many of her hits and those of her contemporaries were bluesy and sad and sexy. Fool That I Am, I'd Rather Go Blind, All I Could Do Was Cry and I Just Want To Make Love To You. Not the tunes to listen to when you are already feeling melancholy and lonely. Dusting, vacuuming, crying and slow dancing by yourself is not the way to spend a weekend.

So this weekend I will try to find a happy medium between frantically going out and hibernating in the house. And what's wrong with going out anyway?

Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

Sept 4, 2012



The last official weekend of the summer is over. School has started and fall clothes are being advertised. Woe is me. I had a very enjoyable last picnic in New Jersey Sunday with Jocelyn's parents. So that means I drove over the Tappan Zee Bridge twice! Once in the dark. I'll admit I was a little nervous about that but I survived. And I saw the most incredible orange moon on the way home.

It was a two hour ride each way so I had a lot of radio time. I love to listen to the radio when I drive. One of the songs that kept playing was Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by Pink. Not someone I would have listened to in the past. But I've come to broaden my horizons lately.

It reminded me of the last time Dave came here to "talk" about our relationship. It was a Sunday and he was still claiming to be thinking about us. I thought we still had a chance as a married couple and he did everything he could to lead me to believe that.  On his way out he blew me kisses!! I was very encouraged and called Margo to tell her. But her silence said more than his words did. He was actually already planning to take the Sooka (Russian) to Africa. Why the deceit? Who knows? I'm at a loss to figure that out. And way too tired to try.




                            
White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold,
But there's nothing to grasp so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Cinderella's Story

August 28, 2012




My life is a fairy tale. If only! I spent last weekend being very busy but the the summer is waning and I am going to go into hibernation mode soon. I was out Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Unheard of, really. But Sunday night I was determined to get home early, which is for me 8PM. 7:30 is even better. You know, getting up at the crack of dawn, etc. Always looking at the time worrying about my car turning into a pumpkin.

I met old friends at the Branford green to see the Steve D'Agostino Band. It was the last in the Jazz series on the Green. He came highly recommended. I announced as soon as I got there that I would be leaving at intermission. But someone assured me I would not be able to leave once I heard them. And he was right. They were fantastic! As "smooth" as my friend described them, it was hard to gather up my things and leave. The weather was perfect, the moon was gorgeous and the Trinity church made a stunning background to the music. The food and the company and of course the wine cinched the deal. I didn't get home until after 9PM. Then it was setting up the coffee for the morning and getting my lunch ready and the usual bedtime rituals.

It was worth every second. Even though I mistakenly set my clock for 5AM instead of 4:30 and had to race around in the morning to get to work on time. Bed unmade (which I hate) with no time for a swig a coffee, and I forgot my watch (which I REALLY hate!) but I made it to work. Singing Cole Porter tunes all day!

WPLR 99 Rock

August 10, 2012



I can't listen to WPLR anymore. I grew up on Smith and Barber, Stoneman and all the other DJs of that era. But soon after Dave left I couldn't listen to those songs anymore. Bruce Springsteen, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith and the Beatles. Those tunes brought up too many memories.

 So I started listening to NPR. Classical music that would calm me down when I was driving and keep my mind from thinking about all the painful things in my life. But then I started listening to younger music. KC101 and 99.9.

I discovered a whole new source of music about the painful side of love. Katy Perry's "Part Of Me" and "I'm Wide Awake." "You chewed me up and spit me out like I was poison in your mouth" and "I wish I knew then what I know now." How did such a young person express the hurt so vividly. Kelly Clarkson is another favorite. "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" and "Darkside." Adele is one of my new favorite artists! Jocelyn claims "she has something for everyone." Sometimes I blast the radio and sing along in my car. Only if I am alone or with Josh. Hilary hates when I sing.

 Sister Albertine told me in fifth grade that I was tone deaf. So I try not to sing with the windows open.

Wedding Song July 31,1981

July 31, 2012


You're My Home
by Billy Joel



When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When i feel my withered roots begin to grow

Well i never had a place
That I could call my very own
But that's all right my love
'cause you're my home.

When you touch my weary head
And you tell me everything will be all right
You say use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night

Well i'll never be a stranger
And i'll never be alone
Wherever we're together
That's my home.

Home could be the Pennsylvania turnpike
Indiana's early morning dew
High up in the hills of California
Home is just another word for you

Well I never had a place that i could call my very own
But that's all right my love 'cause you're my home

If i travel all my life
And i never get stop and settle down
Long as i have you by my side
There's a roof above and good walls all around
You're my castle, you're my cabin
And my instant pleasure dome
I need you in my house
'cause you're my home,..
You're my home.