The House of Mirth

August 4, 2014



Several weeks ago I visited the Edith Wharton House in Lenox MA. It was a perfect day for a road trip. A sunny, clear gorgeous Saturday. I met Margo early and off we went. She even drove! Of course we missed the exit because we were so busy talking but that is part of the fun of a road trip.


The house and its grounds were beautiful. We ate lunch on the terrace overlooking the garden. Then we took a tour of the house. Wharton designed the house herself and it had to be perfectly symmetrical to suit her taste. Could she have been a little OCD? Doors and windows had to match on both ends of the house even if there was no reason for them to be there. But what was really interesting and unknown to me was her prolific writing. Not only novels but books on gardens, travel and home design. My knowledge of her only extended to Ethan Frome which was required reading in high school and the movies I saw based on her novels. I was ashamed of my ignorance but its never too late to learn.


We had a great day that Saturday. After the house tour we had drinks outside at The Red Lion Inn and then a leisurely dinner in town. But through all the nonstop conversation we paused at one of the exhibits to really take in this quote by Wharton about her feelings for Walter Berry. "He found me when my mind and soul were hungry and thirsty, and he fed them until our last hour together." How beautiful.

Boys Are Stupid

July 30, 2014



Just a reminder....in case you forget.



Boys Are Stupid!

My New Old Name

July 22, 2014




I legally changed my name several weeks ago. I thought it went pretty easily. One day I was Graboff the next day Mentone. Ah....but remembering that is not so easy. I was Graboff for more years than I was Mentone. How bizarre. To think I had someone else's name longer than my own. I remember considering not changing my name when I got married. Keeping your own name was a popular thing to do then. Or hyphenating. Believe me, Graboff was not a name I was fond of. In fact I clearly recall when my former brother-in-law Steve told us he wanted to change his last name. Even HE did not like it and he was born with it. But I willingly took it. What would happen when we had kids? I didn't want two different names in the house. It would be too confusing. Hyphenating was too long and I thought ridiculous. I wanted everyone to know we were clearly a family unit.


But now I'm confused. It takes forever to get all the documents changed. All the banks, licenses, social security card, credit cards, utility bills, passport, health insurance and I'm sure some things I haven't even thought of yet. I still sign things with my married name. It takes concentration to sign my new name. It doesn't flow as easily. And even though my kids are adults I feel sad not sharing their last name. I AM happy to have my new old name back. And I know that as with all things it will get easier and easier. But it is bittersweet.

Planned Parenthood

July 7, 2014



This past Saturday I drove by Planned Parenthood on my way to feed my grandkitties. I hadn't even realized where it was in New Haven. On Whitney Avenue between Edwards and Lawrence streets. I would have driven right by it if the protesters were not out there with their ridiculous signs and propaganda. I remember these same people stationed at a spot in Westville when I used to drive my kids to school back in the day.


That scene made me think about the latest ruling from the Supreme Court. Not the Holly Lobby one, but the buffer zone. I was very disappointed with that ruling. As a nurse I have been drilled with HIPPA regulations. What I can and cannot say to protect my patients' privacy. But it seems I can legally stand outside a health care facility and harass women with my personal beliefs about abortion and birth control. And I can get VERY close to them even though these facilities, in the past, have been targets for fanatics who have shot employees and bombed the buildings.


Again, shame on the Supreme Court. I'm thinking the women who use the Planned Parenthood clinic can not afford a private physician. Many of them are there for just routine care or birth control. And I would have to say that no woman has an abortion without serious emotional turmoil. They do not need to be bombarded with psychological torture.


I realize this is America and EVERYONE has a right to express their own opinions. That's what makes me proud to be an American. But....we all deserve the right to safety and privacy. As far as I'm concerned these protesters are  no better than the terrorists who try to instill fear in society. Many of these women have no other recourse than Planned Parenthood and I'm sure some are scared off by these lunatics. The last time I went to Washington I noticed there were barriers around the White House and the Capitol. I would call that a buffer zone. Maybe those should be taken down also.

Boobs

June 27, 2014



I recently saw a quote on Facebook about boobs. "They prove that men can think about two things at once." I'm not sure that's actually true but it's funny. But breasts are so much more than that. Besides the clearly sexual part they are made for comfort and nourishment. Nourishing babies. I'm not into the toddler thing but to each their own. I don't think you have to whip out your breast at a restaurant or other public place to feed you child. I'm sure that can be done in public in a discreet way. I have in fact seen it done that way many times. And comfort...there is nothing like putting your head down on a soft pillowy breast.


Last week I went for my yearly mammogram. You haven't lived until you have been naked from the waist up, your boob being kneaded by the Xray tech and then pressed in a vise with your face smashed against the plexiglass screen. "Take a deep breathe." Really, I haven't been breathing since you clamped me in here! A few years ago I had to have a needle biopsy. I clearly remember the doctor, a male, tell me I shouldn't feel anything. Then he proceeded to use what can only be described as a nail gun to excise some breast tissue. I almost hit the roof. "That hurt?", he said with a hint of disdain. Hell yes, it hurt. Lets try doing that to your scrotum, I thought. Since he was still holding the gun I refrained from saying it out loud but I never forgot it!


Breast cancer...one of my biggest fears. So I faithfully go for my mammograms every year. Yesterday I got my report in the mail. The girls are fine and they are not dense!! Yeah for me. Since most breast lumps are found by a woman's partner I have been trying to remember to do self exams more frequently. So if you see me grabbing my chest, I'm only checking for lumps!

June 16, 2014

                                                                 "Take Me As I Am"

                       

                                                                      Mary J. Blige 

  

[Verse 1:]
She's been down and out
She's been wrote about
She's been talked about, constantly
She's been up and down
She's been pushed around
But they held her down, NYC
She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they
helped make to make she
She's been lost and found
And she's still around
There's a reason for everything

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Verse 2:]
Now she's older now
Yes, she's wiser now
Can't disguise her now
She don't need
No one tellin her
What to do and say
No one tellin her
Who to be
She's on solid ground
She's been lost and found
Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident
This is not the end
Ask me how I know
Cause she is me.

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Bridge: 2x]
So it's all or nothing at all,
All or nothing at all
Don't you know I can only be me.
(I can only be me, yeah)

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Take me as I am.
Take me as I am.
Said it's all or nothing at all
Said it's all or nothing at all

Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all. (This is me)
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing, nothing at all.
Take me as I am.

Thanks to msz. diva for adding these lyrics.Thanks to sscampbell8 for correcting these ly

Top Ten Summer

June 13, 2014




                                          Top Ten Reasons to LOVE Summer


Even though it has been raining in Connecticut for what seems like weeks I am so looking forward to my favorite season.



10. Longer days energize me. I actually go out after work instead of putting on my jammies.


9. Having lunch on the beach.


8. Sleeping with the windows open.


7. Reading on the beach.


6. My birthday. Okay it's not all about me. All the July birthdays, Lauren, Josh and Megan, too.


7. Peaches and tomatoes.


6. Listening to the radio (yes, my little portable radio) on the beach.


5. Hot dog roasts! Always think of Bud when I think cookouts.


4. Happy hour on the beach.


3. My huddle buddies.


2. Walking on the hot sand.


1. THE BEACH.

June 9, 2014


                                             The Top Ten Things I Miss About Winter

                               





                                                       I'll bet no one ever expected this.
 

10. Sitting by the fire.


9. The first snowfall. All soft, white and sparkling.


8. The  bright red cardinals at my feeder with the fairyland white snowy background.


7. Curling up under a blanket and watching a movie in the afternoon.


6. Using the cold, freezing temperatures as an excuse to stay home.


5. Baking cookies.


4. Cooking hearty, long simmering dishes.


3. Starting cocktail hour at 2PM when you're snowed in.


2.  Reading a book in the middle of the day.


1. Wearing pajamas at 4PM because its dark out already.

My Other Car Is A Broom

June 6, 2014



Let me recommend Safelite Auto Glass if you have any dings or cracks in you car windows. I can personally vouch for them as I have been a customer twice in the past year. I have been driving cars for 40 years and this past year is the first time I needed to have my windshield repaired. Not once but twice. The first time was a small ding. This time it was a long crack ( defined by the experts as longer than a dollar bill.) This has led me to try to explain such a phenomenon.


Beside the windshield issues I have also hit the bank drive through not once but twice. And the second time I was being extremely careful. I didn't hear the sickening crunch until I was almost clear of the area. I then hit the side of the garage with my mirror causing the casing to come apart. The mirror still works but there is a crack in the casing which is unsightly. Why is this happening all of a sudden? Well, okay I have often hit the garage in the past but not to this extent.


There can only be one explanation. The car is cursed! Yes, that's it. I won? acquired? received? the car as part of the divorce settlement. Sort of like compensation for making a mockery of the memories of my life. What can I expect from such a "gift ?" Beside the windshield and the various "accidents" there was also the punctured tire saga. If I didn't know any better I would think that someone put a spell on my vehicle. Well technically it isn't my vehicle yet. I better be extra vigilant when that day comes. But if you hear that I have suddenly lost my brakes...please think of this post.

Match.com

June 2, 2014




Yes,  I'm trying another on line dating service after the disastrous experience with eHarmony. And so far I'm not faring much better. I still remember being told by a former acquaintance that online dating is not for people of a certain age. I'm starting to think he may be right.


I feel like I'm selling a used car. Trying to promote my best features in 50 words or less. Or is it 250 words? But really it would take a lot longer to describe how truly wonderful I really am!!! Maybe I'm indescribable! That must be the problem. I get confused between the winks and the faves and the "likes." I'm not in high school anymore and never liked that stuff even when I was.


Margo, don't read this next part. As soon as I respond to anyone with a few details about myself I never hear back from the potential "date." I really try to honestly describe myself to people who express interest. There's no point in wasting anyones' time. I don't have a lot of time left and I've always liked getting right to the point. So I tell them I am irreverent and sarcastic, but in a good way. My kids will always come first. I'm not looking for someone to "complete" me. I am still a work in progress and hope I always will be. I'm not looking for a soul mate. I thought I had one and look how wrong I was about that. I'm not waiting to be rescued or taken care of. Margo, I know you are reading this even though I warned you not to, and you are shaking your head. And pretty soon you are going to try to call me to"discuss" my attitude.


But let me tell you about the men and what they want. LOTS of them want a woman who is "athletic and toned" or "slender." (Match descriptions)  Some of them can't spell. Many of them don't like to read. They ALL love the outdoors, hiking, kayaking, down hill skiing, etc. Really? Some of them look like they can't get up from their recliners. One guy wrote that he liked 'curvy" (another Match word) women and lingerie. I had to read that several times because I was sure it was a typo. But my favorites are the men who are "currently separated." Can't you even wait until the divorce is final to look for a new mate? That's like claiming you are single even though you are living with your girlfriend.


So after the three month subscription is over I will most likely cancel this. One thing I learned from this whole experience is that I don't have to settle for something that is "far from ideal." And now that George is getting married I may just have to resign myself to a life alone!

Garbage Day

May 28, 2014



Wednesday is the day I put the garbage out. When I was married I NEVER put out the garbage. I was too delicate....couldn't lift the recycle bins or drag those heavy trash cans to the end of the driveway. But guess what? Since my divorce I've managed to put out the trash every single week! Isn't that amazing?!!


But recently Hamden issued new trash bins. One for recycling and one for trash. Huge, monstrous things on wheels. Big enough to dispose of almost anything! And don't think I haven't fantasized about what could go in there. But now I have gone back to dreading putting them out. I have to put one foot on them to tilt them back and then drag them down the driveway. When I get to the end I have to go out into the street to turn them around and position them just so on the lawn. There are rules about where they can be and how they need to face the street. The wheels are making big ruts in my lawn, not to mention the room they take up in the garage. It seems everyone has the same size contraption no matter how many people live in the house. I don't know how the elderly can possibly deal with these things.


I understand the need for recycling and I am grateful that the town has curbside recycling. I am not complaining, really I'm not. But there are only two of us living here. Maybe it would have been too difficult to have a variety of sizes. As it is clearly stated, I do not own the bin, it stays with the house. As if I would take it if I moved! So a very minor thing to deal with, I know. And I will deal with it because I have no choice. But this morning I thought for a fleeting second, maybe the guys who are coming to cut the trees can drag this down for me!

Top Ten Things I've Learned About the Gym

May 22, 2014




10. When I miss some days due to vacation I feel REALLY old.


9. I always feel good about myself when I get there. Especially if I really had to force myself!


8. I actually leave the house wearing my glasses, hair pulled back and NO makeup. Sorry Claire,
    if you are watching me, I know you told me NEVER leave the house without lipstick!


7. I am still a back of the room participant.


6. Spinning is fun! ( Really... who would have thought I would ever make that statement! )


5. It still annoys me to see the skinny lady with the complete color coordinated outfits. Down to the
    water bottles, hair bands, sneakers and bags. And different colors for different days.


4. I can't muster the energy to go to a 5:45AM class. No matter how much I think about it the night
    before.


3. I actually plan my day around the class times.


2. I have my own gym bag. But it doesn't match anything!


1. I still think about what or where I will have dinner, even while exercising.

#BringBack Our Girls

May 19, 2014



Nicholas Kristof, a New York Times op ed columnist, author and Pulitzer Prize winner, recently wrote a column about the missing schoolgirls in Nigeria. He frequently writes about the plight of under privileged women across the globe. And he brought up an interesting question. Why are these fanatical religious groups afraid of educating women?


My own thought strongly relates to my "Boys are Stupid" theory. If women were educated and encouraged to succeed the world would be a much different place. Maybe a better place. But we all know it is much more than that. Women are oppressed throughout the world, especially in third world countries where religious fanaticism is rampant. Forced prostitution, genital mutilation, inadequate health care for high risk pregnancies and lack of birth control are all debilitating problems for women around the world. The lack of clean water is a problem in some countries, especially Africa. Girls have dropped out of school to haul clean water for their families.


So let us keep this in mind when we proceed in our very privileged daily lives. And next time you are wondering where to make a donation there are several at the end of the article I've included.


http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/04/opinion/sunday/kristof-bring-back-our-girls.html?emc=eta1

Reflections on Mother's Day

May 12, 2014



The wedding weekend is over. It was wonderful and I kept my vow to keep the sarcasm in check. But now I want to share a few thoughts on motherhood. And I know I'm going to hear flak about this. But I'm ready.


News flash.... There is a conspiracy surrounding pregnancy and motherhood. Everyone is sooo happy to hear someone is pregnant. "Congratulations!" "Best time of your life!" And my favorite, " I never felt better!" Really?!! I was scared, lonely and my body took on a life of its own. Even though I was a nurse I still couldn't figure out how this huge object was going to emerge without me being in, to put it mildly, extreme distress. And guess what? No amount of breathing techniques, water baths, walking around or hanging upside down made it any better. I knew only my own perseverance would get me through. AND the fact that women have been having babies for centuries and the species has survived. And I did it twice! Without any push gift!


But the real conspiracy surrounds motherhood itself. No one told me how HARD it would be. I'm going home with this baby!! I can't go home. Why can't I live in the hospital and send this kid back to the nursery at night? I don't know how to care for a baby. 24/7. I brought him everywhere with me. Even into the bathroom when I took a shower. I worried about everything. Breastfeeding was a nightmare. It seemed like I took off my shirt more than I wore it. Was he eating enough, too much? Was he sleeping enough. Was I sleeping enough? The days were long and lonely. Going back to work was looming and I didn't know how I was going to leave this baby in day care. And in the end I decided to have Jennie take care of him. Even though I drove from Hamden to East Haven and then to New Haven to work. And then in reverse at night. Ahh, the things we do to survive.


So in closing I want to talk a little about Andrea Yates. Ever since I heard her story so many years ago I felt sorry for her. Her husband Rusty left her at home with five little kids after she had been hospitalized for postpartum psychosis. He had been warned not to leave her alone. When he left for work she drowned her kids in a bathtub. I have always felt for her. She was an honor student in high school and is now in a state hospital in Texas. Rusty has remarried and now has a new family. How nice for him. Hopefully the women who need help and support after childbirth will not have to suffer like Andrea. And if we can recognize that it is HARD to be a new mom more people will come forward and seek help.

Wedding Bells

May 9, 2014




I love weddings. I love the church music that makes me cry. I love the beautiful, radiant brides. I love the handsome grooms waiting at the altar. I love the flowers, the receiving line, the first dance, the champagne toast. A wedding is a day of celebration and love. A new chapter in the lives of the couple. A reason to believe in true love.



Tomorrow Megan and Shaun will become Mr. and Mrs. McGrath. They will begin a new journey together. Shaun, you lucky devil. You will not only be married to one of the prettiest girls around, but you will have acquired the gaggle of women that come with her! Or is gaggle just about geese? Ha... I already know what you're thinking. And Megan, you will have a husband who is not only handsome but can sing you to sleep.


Best wishes to the happy couple. Rain or shine it is going to be a glorious day.

Viva Las Vegas

May 5, 2014




A nursing convention in Las Vegas. That should be fun, right? I was there many years ago on my way to Bryce Canyon. The kids were teenagers. As we drove from the airport the city arose from the desert like OZ. We stayed at the MGM Grand.  I HATE to gamble. I work too hard to throw my money away like that. But it was hot, which I love, and we went to great restaurants and saw some good shows. I spent most of the day by the pool. We were only there for three days. I think that is key to an enjoyable experience.



Las Vegas is like Disney World combined with Times Square on steroids. Both two of my least favorite places in the world. The next time I go to Disney it will be with grandchildren. (If I have any!) And the only reason to go through Times Square is to get to a Broadway show. We are not REALLY in Paris, Venice or New York in those casinos. Just like we are not really in Mexico or Morocco at Epcot center. It is make believe. Go see the real thing.



And the weather. It rains one inch a year in Vegas and both times I have been there it has rained. Am I bringing the clouds? And this time the Santa Ana winds brought cold weather and windy conditions. Even though I sat by the pool on my free day it was too cold to go in the water. And let me tell you a little about the hotel. When they tell you to bring your own coffee pods, be very afraid. Not only the pods but a cup, which we purchased in the gift shop. That's all I'll say on that subject. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Just let me assure you that physicians would never be expected to have a conference at this hotel.


But I'm not really complaining. While our colleagues were working Jeanne and I DID have a good time. We learned new things, networked with colleagues from around the country and had some memorable moments. And let me add a picture of our poster so you can see that we actually presented one. I'll refrain from posting the picture of our component night where we had to dress up like show girls. Some things are better left a mystery.

Leftover Ham

April 22, 2014



"Do you think a ten pound ham will be big enough?" I remember asking that last week as I was buying it for Easter dinner. I'm sure there was an Easter miracle here, somewhat like the fish and the loaves, because I still seem to have at least 20 pounds of ham left over in my refrigerator! I had a few slices in a sandwich last night when I got home from work but that didn't make a dent in the pile left over. I remember worrying about the amount of food...will it be good, will there be enough variety, but most of all will there be enough? Even after Annemarie said, "It's a mid day meal not the last supper." The anxiety that every Italian woman feels when preparing a meal for her family... I even considered getting a tray of eggplant form my neighborhood Italian deli.



But when I woke up Easter morning and started cooking I felt strangely calm. And happy. Of course there would be enough food. All the "kids" where bringing dishes. How did they get old enough to do that? How can they be in their late twenties when I feel like I'm only in my thirties?!!! And Jocelyn, I'm officially handing over the mac and cheese to you. It tastes so much better your way! From the huge antipasto to the delicious desserts and the warmth of family it was a perfect afternoon. Even the weather cooperated. And as they say in the Master Card commercial having Margo cleaning in the kitchen was priceless!

                                       
                                             My beautiful Easter gifts, including a whimsy!

                                         

                                                       Margo in the kitchen! Love You!

                                    

Eating Our Way Through Florence

April 17, 2014



I have been so busy these past few weeks. I've been working a lot since I returned from vacation.
Eating, drinking and traveling in Florence, Italy. A place I have always wanted to visit. Two years ago I was lying, prostrate on my bed, crying that I would never leave my house again. Never go out to a restaurant, let alone go to Italy. I'm so happy I was wrong about that!


My trip was fantastic. My memories will last forever. And I hope Josh and Jocelyn will always remember the fun we had. The two gelatos a day, the cappuccinos at breakfast, the happy hours in our apartment and the very late dinners. And all the wine, and the strawberries and the Italian potato chips with the cat figurines that I collected and are sitting on my bulletin board now. Our own special grocery store and the Pitti Palace right down the street. Federico our landlord and Martin, our tour guide. The bus trip to Sienna and the lunch we had there outdoors on the steep street. The cooking class in Federica's apartment, with the view of the Duomo from her daughter's window. The churches and museums and paintings and sculptures. And for Josh the medieval manuscripts and buildings. For Jocelyn, all the craftsmen, especially Giuliano Ricchi who took us through his workshop and proudly showed us his handiwork. My little upstairs room where I went to sleep and woke up to the sound of church bells. The tiny kitchen where I made Italian coffee every morning. So many wonderful moments that I will treasure.                          

 
                                                                  Lunch in Sienna

                                                       

                                                              Our Apartment

 

                                                            The Produce Stand

 


                                                                   Our Market

       


                                                        The View from the Duomo

                                                             Federico, our landlord

Tax Season

March 28, 2014




It's been a very busy couple of weeks for me. Last weekend my nursing organization held a conference in Farmington. Since I am the treasurer I handled the registration. All of the officers did an outstanding job. The conference was a big success but time consuming for all of us. I did spend the day before shopping in West Hartford center with Jeanne and the afternoon following shopping with Annie. It was even sunny and warmish.


I spent the following week getting ready for my trip to Florence. No complaints there. But in between all this I also paid my taxes. Wow. I didn't realize all the money involved in that endeavor. First let me start by saying I forgot to pay my January taxes on both the house and the cars. They were there in the folder marked taxes and on the calendar where I clearly marked, PAY TAXES. And I did pay taxes in January. But it was the tax on my alimony. Which was right in the folder with the other bills which I never even looked at. I still don't understand why I have to pay the taxes on that and HE gets to count it as a deduction. Anyway when I got the delinquent notice I immediately ran to the tax office like a criminal.


A few weeks later I received a letter in the mail from the City of New Haven. They apparently contract with an agency called Municipal Tax Services. This agency goes around at night taking pictures of license plates in the city and tries to collect taxes on vehicles they claim are "garaged" in New Haven. What a rewarding job that must be. Needless to say I was not happy to receive this in the mail at such a busy time. It identified me as the "plaintiff" and stated I had the Burden of proof. But criminals like bank robbers and murderers don't have to prove anything. Somehow that doesn't seem fair to me. Which I let the gentleman from that agency know. A law abiding, tax paying, working, productive member of society has the burden of proof for a car?!!! Why doesn't the city have the burden of proof? Show me a picture of the license plate with proof that it was taken in the city of New Haven on a certain consecutive number of nights.


Anyway, we finally got it straightened out. My insurance agency clarified it but not until after I was asked to send proof that I owned my home. What did that have to do with the car? So, thank you, City of New Haven, where crime is rampant, for using tax payer dollars to harass law abiding citizens from other towns and adding just a little more stress to my life.

Fortune Cookies

March 17, 2014





"The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers." I usually laugh at my fortune cookie fortunes. They are usually whimsical and far fetched. I really like the ones that say I will come into a lot of money or will travel the world. But this fortune was too close to home.



Yes, time helps. But it doesn't necessarily "heal all wounds." The wounds will always be there, it just becomes easier to bear. Living your life helps. Being with other people helps. Knowing that you are stronger than your problems helps. But as I've said before there are always the "sucker punches" waiting where you least expect them. This week it was in a fortune cookie.