Check-up

November 29, 2012


Yesterday I took my sister to the Yale Stroke Center to see the doctor who became like family to me last year. I won't name him to protect his privacy but at a time when I was literally on the edge, hanging on by my fingertips, he provided a calm and compassionate outlook. I asked for him everyday and came to rely on his advice.

You may remember that a week after Dave left to live with his lesbian lover, my sister had a stroke. I was literally inconsolable. But I knew I had to take care of her because she had always taken care of me when I was young. I talked myself into getting up and going to the Yale Neuro ICU every day for 6 weeks. I carried a legal pad and wrote down everything that was said to me. Every diagnosis, the name of everyone who entered the room, her vital signs and sometimes, what she ate. I knew I was risking staff alienation (no medical person likes to see someone taking notes on everything that is being done) but I had to have a record because I was so disconnected I couldn't remember anything. I wanted to explain my situation but it wasn't about me so I kept quiet. I knew sometimes I looked like a lunatic but I didn't care.

I was sure my sister would never leave Yale. But she eventually went to an ECF and worked hard at physical, occupational and speech therapy. She is home now with lots of help and her doctor today was very pleased with her progress. And he was the same calm and rational presence that I remembered from a year ago.

So I have to thank all the nurses and residents who graciously endured my crazy behavior. Who took all my phone calls no matter what time. The staff who explained to me over and over what was happening and what was being done. I am proud to be a member of the same profession. It is always harder on the other side of the bed. But they made it much easier for me. I will be eternally grateful.

Everything is Relative

  October 19, 2012



Yesterday was my day off. Because I worked all weekend and went away overnight last week I am very behind in everything. My house is a mess and I have lots of things to take care of for my sister.

So I got up at 6:30. My daughter needed her car serviced so we drove to Wallingford. I HATE taking care of the cars. That was never my job. But it is now. I guess being with your "soul mate" leaves you little time for helping your kids. All you can manage is lunch every other month or so. But I digress. We did enjoy a great breakfast at Ricks on 5, so being the parent who stuck around does have rewards. I know more about my kids then I ever thought possible and they about me. ( Much to Hilary's dismay)

When I got home I cooked. Steamed artichokes and pasta with chick peas. I vacuumed and cleaned the bathrooms and did laundry. Then I went to the library, the gas station, UPS, Liuzzi's Market and the bank. After that I took my handicapped sister to the grocery store where we spent the requisite two hours going up and down the aisles, checking all the prices and looking through a million coupons. I unloaded bags and bags of groceries and dragged the wheelchair in and out of the car. And the ankle I sprained in June was killing me. ( No, I didn't get the cortisone shot and decided to wear sandals because it was warm.) And THEN, at 5PM we drove back to Wallingford to pick up the car. Really cut into my cocktail hour.

Anyway enough of the pity party. I am SO grateful to have the option of working part time to have a day off to take care of my errands. I am happy to have a job, have my kids close by and healthy, and have my sister living in her home again. Six months ago I felt like I would't survive this. Today I feel lucky.