Reality TV

November 30, 2012


Why do people watch reality TV? I have never seen a reality show in my life. I live reality everyday. Both in my personal life and at work. I want to see fantasy on TV. I want to laugh, be entertained or learn something. I don't want to be immersed in the angst of someones problems, real or created for the show.

Dancing With The Stars is recapped every morning on Good Morning America. Why do I care? What happened to reporting the news of the day? Interviewing interesting people and informing us about what is going on in the world? Do the people on The Bachelor REALLY marry each other after a TV show? But then again who am I to talk about marriage? Maybe the odds are just as good for them as they were for me. I just don't want to see it in my family room.

If not for Modern Family, Gray's Anatomy, baseball and basketball I would not be watching TV at all. I may have to get into football again as violent as I find that to be. Then I will have something to watch no matter what the season.

Memories

November 14, 2012



I've been slowly doing over every room in the house. Not big major changes but little small ones to make them all my own. My bedroom is completely redone (except for the mattress, can't really bear to part with the Bob-O-Pedic), new curtains in the kitchen ( totally different from what I had before) new fireplace screen and even new curtains in Hilary's room. Now I'm concentrating on Josh's bedroom. Turning it into a guest/sewing room. I've taken all the books out of his bookshelf to store for him. He refuses to let me throw any of them out or give them away. But some of the books I can't bear to put in the basement.

The Polar Express, my favorite Christmas book. I wonder which one of us liked it the most. I hung a framed poster of the cover in his room where it still is today. I remember when we went to New Hampshire to ride their rendition of the polar express. It was magical even to me. Or maybe I should say especially to me. I wanted to go again this year but don't have anyone young enough to go with. Bill Peets' books that I read to him all the time. And all the Dr. Seuss stories. Those may have to remain in that room as well. Maybe whoever the guest is that stays in that room will appreciate those stories as much as I do.

It seems everything I do is fraught with memories of the past. My memories, that I am trying really hard to preserve. Memories that are tainted with incredibly painful revelations that are only just becoming apparent to me. Looking at pictures from our family vacations and thinking, was he cheating on me then? Comparing me to someone else? Was I settling for sloppy seconds when this picture was taken? All of us smiling at the Grand Canyon, Santa Monica Pier, San Francisco, Yellowstone, Rome and all the countless other trips we took together.

Not helpful for my mental health or self esteem but hard to escape. I'm waiting for time to heal those wounds and help me to accept that I can only be responsible for my own feelings and actions. And the time to make new and possibly better memories.

Wedding Shower

October 29, 2012



This weekend was the wedding shower of Margo's daughter, Lauren. She was the first born of the crowd. And she paid for that honor. All the bizarre notions about child rearing were tried on her and then my son Josh. As I've told poor Josh, you'll either have lots of material for a play or to share with your therapist! But in spite of all we inflicted on both of them they have turned out to be terrific kids. All the kids in our little circle are well adjusted. I guess we did something right.

It was a gorgeous day in spite of the impending storm. The sun came out, it was warm and we had the mimosa bar outside on the deck. It couldn't have been more perfect. It is so nice to be a witness to young love. The excitement, happiness and anticipation of life ahead with someone you love is breathtaking. I remember feeling like that so many years ago.

The food was delicious. And I drank in the afternoon, something I don't like to do because I get bitchy and mean. But guess what? I was happy and carefree. Wasn't I, Min? And that mood lasted well into the night. It was a perfect day. The sweetest girl I know is getting married to her "soul mate.' I still find that wonderful!