Banning Bossy

March 14, 2014



There is apparently a movement to "Ban Bossy." You might ask what that means. Well as far as I can tell from the story on TV  there are some girls who are intimidated by being called "bossy" by their classmates. I'm going to assume that is mostly male classmates. They are not perceived as "feminine." So Sheryl Sandberg, the CEO at Facebook has started an awareness campaign to ban the word "bossy." And it is endorsed by Beyonce! They claim that girls will not show their leadership potential if they risk being labeled as bossy. Bossy, not assertive or intelligent. Bossy.


Really?!! This week I went to a reunion planning meeting at Sacred Heart Academy, my all girls high school. The four of us there talked about how "quiet" we were in high school and how we didn't become "bossy" until we started working. All those wasted years! I noticed the really popular girls were not at this meeting. And all of us there are successful women. Successful, in spite of being bossy. Imagine how far we could have gone if we WERE bossy in high school!


So boys can be bossy and its called leadership but when girls are it's bitchy. Have we come this far only to slide back to the 50's? Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, where are you? I have always encouraged my daughter to stand up for herself and in spite of how quiet I was in high school ( yes, I know how hard that is to believe) I am proud to be called bossy. Even if, in couples counseling, I believe I was referred to as domineering. Not so flattering but I hope just one person's opinion of me!


So Sheryl and Beyonce I ask you, how did you get were you are without being Bossy? It will take more than banning a word to change society. How about teaching our children to respect each other as individuals instead of stereotypes. That is the real issue here.

Beheaded

May 20, 2013



I was recently beheaded on Facebook by my ex-husband. I know the proper term is unfriended but beheaded is so much more to the point. I suppose he didn't like my comments about the pictures he so kindly shared with me. Why, David Graboff, would you do such a stupid thing? Besides the whore comment the only other thing I would like to say is it is too bad your biking excursion involved a harness.


Did he forget that I would see them or is that the reason he posted them? I will admit I was shocked when they appeared on my page. And it did set my recovery back. But as always, his happiness supersedes the feelings of others. And for those of you who feel my comment was "mean" when you have walked in my shoes then I will give credence to your thoughts. When the man you trusted for your whole adult life sticks a knife, not in your back, but directly in your heart, then give me a call. A knife which, by the way, is still there because I'm afraid to remove it lest I fall apart completely.


But I will carry on like it doesn't matter. Because I don't know how to do anything else. And I have found that although time doesn't lessen the pain it does make it easier to bear.

What I Learned This Year

January 1, 2012



1. If your spouse cheats on you it is a reflection of their character (and the person they are with) not
    a result of something you  have done or not done. No matter what they would like you to believe.

2. I have fantastic kids.

3. I have fantastic friends.

4. I CAN hold a grudge.

5. You have to ask right up front,"Are you married and/or living with someone?"

6.  If someone deletes your comments from Facebook they are not the laid back zen master
     they claim to be.

7.  I CAN manage a household. In fact I can manage two of them.

8.  I can also pay the bills (even on line)take out the garbage, change the kitty litter, take care of two
     cars, put up the Christmas lights, light a fire, buy appliances and take myself on vacation.

9.  I'm a really good cook.

10. I'll never be skinny.

11. I can put pictures on my blog (even if it takes half a day) without help from my kids.

12. As my friend Mary often reminds me, there are worse things than living alone.

13. Tears are endless.