Push Present

September 11, 2013



Just when you think you've heard everything something totally absurd comes along. I was driving to work a few weeks ago and listening to the radio. They have a segment called Couples Court. A husband or wife calls in with a dispute and listeners vote on whose is right. And I'M divorced? Anyway this particular segment involved the wife complaining that she did not receive the "push present" she had requested.


So, I know some of you are thinking, as I was, this can't be what it sounds like. But sorry to say it is. It's a present the husband gives the wife for having a baby. So if you don't push is the deal off or do you get a bigger present because you actually had surgery? It opens a whole new area for Hallmark. Are there special push cards? Do the presents escalate with each child? Do you get a present for sacrificing your body? Something extra if you breast feed? Can there be future presents involved? Maybe a little bling to cheer you up if you get hemorrhoids or bladder prolapse? What do varicose veins get you? I could just go on and on.


I remember getting roses when I had Josh. Just a dozen, nothing extravagant. And with Hilary I didn't even get a ride home. No, a limo did not come for me. My sister came to pick me up on her lunch hour. Boy, was I gypped!!! The way I see it I'm owed two presents. Maybe the diamond engagement ring I never had and the Lexus SUV I thought was so cute.